Me: BW (47), married 25 almost 26 years. 3 beautiful kids. DD1 2014, DD2 2016, DD3 2018, recently learned of another affair 6/2023 and decided to divorce.

The Dreaded Return

The kids and I return "home" tomorrow. STBXWH is moved out of the house. My understanding is the majority of his belongings are currently in the 1 bedroom apartment he will be occupying for the foreseeable future. He knows I will not sleep under the same roof as him ever again. Now that has occurred it’s time to go back and face the music. I would love to stay here and not have to return to "that".

We are telling the kids about separation/divorce tomorrow. Ugh it makes me sick. I am thankful for this peaceful time I’ve had here at the beach with them.

Some days I feel like such an idiot for trusting him not to do this again and again and again. I wanted to keep my family intact. Such a big part of me still loves him and is sad for what lies ahead for him, for me, and our family. He is going to carry this burden on his shoulders for many many years. It’s difficult not to want to comfort him when he’s sad and broken but after going through this multiple times I just cannot. I cannot allow myself to feel sorry for him any longer. I have to stay on this path and get myself out of this mess and unfortunately it won’t be with him.

I have to remind myself of the peace I feel in recent weeks knowing that for me, it will get better each day. The further I distance myself from him the better I feel. I just hope our children will be resilient and get through the rollercoaster they are being flung onto unknowingly. I have a feeling the next few days, weeks, and months will be bumpy. I am glad I took this time to rest and ground myself before facing the coming storm. Love to you all and will provide updates as I am able

16 comments posted: Saturday, July 22nd, 2023

He did it again…. I’m at a complete loss

Post history - H had a history of being unfaithful that completely blindsided me several years ago. We decided to try and R. Since 2019 we have both been to IC, MC, marriage retreats you name it we did it. Have open phone/technology policy - life 360 on at all times.

It was an excruciating painful journey - he was so remorseful. He’s been a wonderful husband during R.

Today I receive a FB message from what is obviously a fake account. It is from OBS - he was respectful and kind and proceed to inform me my H has been having an affair with his W. He said he would send the evidence/proof if I wanted. So I told him yes please send me everything you have, and boy did he have a lot. Pictures, the messages threads everything. Absolute undeniable proof right in my face.

Meanwhile while this is occurring my WH is in his home office conducting meetings, acting completely normal. There were absolutely NO red flags this time!! We are in a new home, we purchased a vacation home this year, we have had such good marital communication and relationship.

My greatest fear has happened, just when I was feeling like we overcame what was intended to tear us apart he had the audacity to do it again KNOWING the hurt and devastation it would cause. It is hard to know that my marriage is over. It is definitely over - I told him previously there will be no more chances. I have to stand by that or I will lose all of my self respect.

Has anyone else been in this horrible place? I don’t want to confront him right now. I do have a job and I have been saving money and becoming more independent. The kids are older and more self sufficient so at least those are positives. I want to meet with an attorney and have everything ready when I confront - I see it going something like here’s my proof and here is the proposed separation agreement. I’m going to give you the weekend while we go to the 2nd home to gather your things and find a place to live. I don’t expect or want you here when we return. I’m not as emotional as the first time we went through this. It’s still so humiliating to offer someone a chance and them to deceive you in such a horrible way - shows what he truly thinks of me and our marriage. Please say a prayer it’s going to be a difficult summer and not at all the one I envisioned my family having.

40 comments posted: Sunday, July 2nd, 2023