Feeling Gullible

I am 99% sure I am divorcing my husband - but that 1% weighs heavily on my mind. I'm second guessing myself about making the wrong decision.

As background - in 2015, I was pregnant (my therapist said my hormones were out of control) - and I also have OCD. I found myself constantly checking my husband's cell phone records to see who he was texting and calling. I even called him one night and asked him about a series of text messages (I could only see the number) that he was chatting with. At this time, I really had no reason to be snooping and so my husband felt this was an invasion of his privacy.

In 2017, my husband became a non-functioning alcoholic. One afternoon I woke up from a nap to hear him on the phone with a woman and she said we are done - and he said OMG over and over again - and said "I hate him for what he did to you". I later found out that he had a "friendship" with this woman for over a year and he knew I wouldn't like it so they communicated via facebook messenger so I wouldn't see it if I was checking cell phone records. I feel very deceived by his behavior. Also, I am very stuck on her saying we are done - his response to that was that he was acting very angry about some other guy and that she said they are done with the friendship. This is a load of crap right?

Over the years, he has been willing to answer all the questions I ask about her - but whether he is telling me the truth is another matter.

I also found pictures on an ipad (this was not snooping - it was by accident) that they shared with each other. Mostly of her family and her father's gravesite - I guess they had a common connection about losing a parent. I also found a quote about soulmates and one about "studying her scriptures". He doesn't remember them exchanging the soulmate quote or the studying thing.

This is all kinds of wrong right?

During this time - I was such a trooper with what I was putting up with from him. He traveled all the time and his drinking became awful to the point he lost his job, got two DUIs, and put himself in the hospital with a really high blook alcohol level.

Before he got sober, I found text messages to another women that he claims he was black out drunk when sending - where he was planning a date, researching restaurants, telling her he was into her. When I found out - he kept saying it wasn't me - and wouldn't admit to drinking. We went to marriage counseling and I figured it out that he was drinking. We quit marriage counseling because our therapist moved and also COVID hit.

Between 2021-2023 he got sober but wasn't in recovery. in 2023, he relapsed. Again, all sorts of bad things started happening again like him trying to drive with the kids, getting so drunk he ended up in the hospital and yelling at me for hours that he hated me in front of my 8 year old son and 18 year old daughter - who told me he was verbally abusing me.

I found out from someone that at an industry conference, it was assumed my husband was separated. That's all the details I have.

I have caught my husband in lies - mostly about alcohol. I know I can't trust him.
Even though his drunk behavior has been atrocious - what bothers me the most is the potential cheating and I can't get him to admit it.

My friends think he has been gaslighting me all the years and I agree - he told me that I had mental health issues when he was the one who had relapsed and wasn't seeking treatment. So trying to get me to believe something that wasn't true.

When I told him that because he hid this "friendship" for over a year - no reasonable person would believe that he wasn't cheating. He said that when they knew how I snooped - they would side with him.

He is love bombing me - and I do love him - but I think too much has happened for us to move on. Based on what I have posted here, these are all indications he is a lying cheat right?

8 comments posted: Saturday, December 30th, 2023