Contacting AP to Apologize

Is it always a bad idea?

Background:
It was a 5 year EA/PA. Yes years. The last 5-6mo were long distance. She ended it with an ultimatum that I leave my wife, which I did not do, and things did not end well between us. AP was single and I lied to her about being married for the first 4-5 months. AP initially told me to fuck off when she found out I was married, but I lied about getting a divorce and somehow convinced her to still see me. AP was divorced, her H had an EA/PA with her best friend and divorced her while she dealt with a breast cancer diagnosis. She went through a lumpectomy, chemo, radiation, etc., all while going through the divorce process. AP had no kids and lost her fertility as a result of the cancer treatment. Her exH and exBF quickly married and had a kid. She met me 2 years later and I was the first person she dated post divorce. We spent an insane amount of time together.

So I now feel like complete shit about the way I treated her. I cringe and want to crawl into a hole whenever I think about it. I feel like scum. I wasted years of her life. I was a fucking emotional wreck and I had no business being in any relationship. AP wasn't a bad person, she was just with a bad person - me.

I do not want to get back together with her. She lives in another state. I am almost divorced and I've recently figured some of my shit out and the last thing I need is a relationship. I feel like I need to make amends with her but I have no desire to hurt her more.

What's the right thing to do here? Let it be or offer an apology?

9 comments posted: Friday, February 18th, 2022