Married 2000; DDay Oct 3, 2019; WH EA 2012; WH month-long PA 2019; 2 kids, now high school and college (neither know).

Resulted in complex PTSD

Complex ptsd (and thank you!)

First, thank you!! A while back I was lurking, and I saw many of you recommend the book The Body Keeps the Score. I read half of it, and I realized I have complex PTSD. Since D-day I've struggled with derealization. With counseling, I was at least less bonkers. I went from not recognizing my husband (seriously, I would be like, "whoa - who is this guy I'm waking up next to") to being able to function.

But it never quite went away. I still have episodes; I still feel like a stranger in my own house, or sometimes like I've never been in the house; I still forget what it's like to have a weekend, because my mind won't let me fully live and remember my own life; and I still feel less effective in my job. (One caveat, I am 90% normal with my kids - it's mainly my home life outside of parenting that is off.)

Because of the book you recommended, I found a counselor who specializes in complex PTSD. In the second session, she talked me through some raw nerves I didn't know I had. The shakes came back, which sucked. In the days after session 3, things really started to shift. In my shower, instead of feeling like I was in a hotel shower, I felt like I was in a regular house. As I went about my day, instead of feeling like a person working through a semi-transparent list of things, I felt grounded.

I know I'm not done getting better. It's only been a month! Last night instead of feeling like a person who was dropped into a movie without knowing the script, I felt like my FWH and I were dropped into a movie together. While that's not so good, feeling like I had company in the movie was a nice change.

I just wanted to send you my most sincere thanks. This is changing my life more than you can know, and I never would have gotten on the right path without the book you recommended.

Keet

1 comment posted: Tuesday, September 10th, 2024

4 years in, fwh changing for better, but so different - any experience?

Greetings SI Community,

Our first 3 years after D-Day were hard. Around the 3-year mark, FWH started making major changes. He made healthy rules to live by (physical and social), started revealing his vulnerabilities/inner sadness (very new), started IC again, and found religion (I don't mean that lightly - it has really changed him).

My question is, how do you move forward when the person is so vastly different? With so much change, I'm afraid to get attached to the "new him," because it might not be long-lasting.

My guard is still up. He wants more connection, and I'm holding back. For 14 years these roles were reversed - I wanted connection and he kept me at arms length - plus 3 years of post-A debris. Being rejected that many years makes it hard to just jump in!

Has anyone else struggled with this process?

12 comments posted: Thursday, December 7th, 2023