Dating again…the kids????

I am having an overwhelming sense of guilt. I have finally found an incredible man. Someone I feel I have known for years and who is understanding, kind, intelligent, has matching morals and values in life. Amazing, right?! After feeling completely broken and honestly thinking I would spend the rest of my life alone…
Only thing is, I am feeling guilty. Guilty that I’m happy, guilty that I’m taking time away from my kids, scared that I’m hurting them in some way. Ofcourse my kids are number 1. He knows that, he is okay with that, he wants that… so why am I feeling this way?
Is it that their dad left, immediately started a new life , pushed the other woman onto my youngest? My eldest three have nothing to do with him. It’s been 3 years. I fear they are going to think I’m forcing someone onto them too.
I am struggling.
He met them quickly, I’m not forcing anything. We go out, no forced together time with him at all… I just wanted them to be privy to who I was going out with. Have a name/face. Give them a chance to ask any questions.
I know I’m overthinking. Thank you to my ex for that.
I just needed to vent I suppose.
Thank you for listening

5 comments posted: Monday, February 6th, 2023

Advice please

Hey. Looking for advice. After dealing with the trauma of infidelity, ex clearly still in MLC ( now legally separated), having been gaslighted etc etc

How do you start dating or even meeting people to potentially date and not be incredibly sensitive and always assume the worst in the words they say??? I feel like I overthink and analyze every f’in word people say to me. Wondering if there is hidden meaning.

I’m mostly meh about ex. Yes there are days he still triggers me for sure. I only communicate via text or email. He only sees my youngest (9) of our four children. The others haven’t visited with him in 2 years. So days when he texts blaming me for that or saying that my short vague texts are passive aggressive and contributing to the kids opinion of him really piss me off!!! I don’t love him anymore, I don’t miss him. I want to meet someone and feel love again. I just feel like I self sabotage….

Sorry for the long post. Honestly any advice will be helpful.

Also do you find yourself seeking out someone older so that hopefully they aren’t in a MLC or going to have one?!?

I haven’t dated since I was 16! I don’t even know where to start. How fast things happen? Etc etc

6 comments posted: Sunday, March 13th, 2022

Starting to date, maybe?!

So I think I feel ready to meet someone new. I’ve joined a dating site. Have chatted with a few people. Seem to get a shit load of matches from very young people looking for sex.
I have met one guy who is close in age, no kids, never married. Who apparently had a difficult break up and is not looking for anything long term. I met ex WH when I was 16… needless to say I don’t know how to do this? How do you date or have sex with someone without emotion? Connection? Expectations? Will i just feel guilty or hurt afterwards?
Wish this brain would turn off for a minute and I could just have fun.
Any advice or stories appreciated!

13 comments posted: Thursday, January 6th, 2022

Advice needed

So…if any have been following my story, we are now legally separated. Youngest of four sees him twice a week. Three eldest won’t see him or speak to him. He left December 2019.
He is living with OW. Who has moved up in the world from single 30 yr old living in a basement apartment with no car to a house, a car, trips, etc etc….she is 15 yrs younger.
My in laws ( I’ve known them since I was 16) have been devastated and embarrassed at their sons actions. They continue to come visit us and maybe have a dinner with him (no OW). My mother in law stated from the beginning that she would not meet her!
Well….they are visiting again (post Covid)…we are going on a camping trip with them (kids and I). They have a dinner planned with their son on Thursday. I walked by my MIL’s phone and she had texted that they would happily go golfing and then dinner and meet OW!!!!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!
I don’t know what to do! Do I say anything? Do I confront my in laws? Do I let it slide?
They are aware of the hurt he continues to cause…but it’s like they are giving in. Which is what WH wanted all along.
I am enraged!!! Heart broken! F’in pissed!!!!!

Help!

9 comments posted: Sunday, August 22nd, 2021

Separation agreement complete

Well it has been about 18 months and finally our separation agreement is done…signed….done. It’s done. I’m happy but I’m so very heartbroken and sad. He is still living in his new found no responsibility life, acting like a 20 year old with his OW. He didn’t fight me about the kids at all. It was all about the money. Very obvious where his priorities are. But…he still tries to play victim and continues to text the eldest 3 ( who will not see him or speak to him) asking them weekly to come for dinner. He still has the idea that they will ultimately give in and accept his actions and just be okay. My heart breaks for them.

I don’t want to be sad anymore. My brain knows that he is not the same person. I love the old him.

I definitely have more moments of not even thinking about him. I enjoy my kids, even laugh and smile again. But then it hits me. I feel bad that he is missing his children’s lives. I wonder how he could actually function without them in his life. I wonder if he misses me. I get angry at myself for being so emotional…so caring…all for this asshole who has destroyed us….without remorse, without empathy.

How does one let go…..

9 comments posted: Friday, July 23rd, 2021

How?

Not sure if anyone else is feeling this….I just keep coming back to the same thoughts and I am hoping someone can relate…advise…

I keep wondering how WH can possibly be « living »…I mean how can he go to work, be living a very active social life ( with new friends and OW) when he has left behind a beautiful amazing family. I know he has zero responsibilities now…he sees our youngest once a week for dinner and has one night sleepover a week ( when it suits him)…eldest three have not and will not see him or speak to him! He has been passive aggressive and manipulative with them and they see right through it all!!! I just keep wondering how he can do this???

Was I that awful that he wouldn’t even consider trying to fix what he had done?!? I know he still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He has zero remorse. I know I just couldn’t bare to not see or speak to my kids.

I know I’m looking for answers I probably won’t ever get…just having an especially rough night……

10 comments posted: Thursday, July 8th, 2021

Do they become narcissists?

I haven’t posted in a while. I’m reading others posts...

I was wondering if anyone else felt this way....I truly don’t believe WH was a narcissist prior to his affair. He has become narcissistic, manipulative, passive aggressive, mean...interspersed with moments of backhanded compliments that are very visible! He is acting this way towards me as well as to the kids. I unfortunately still have to speak to him (kids and finances only!!!!) and we are still prepping the separation agreement. His primary concern is $$$.... I should be thankful he is not pushing back regarding the kids....my 3 eldest (16,14,12) will not even answer his texts anymore and forget about seeing him!!!

Is this normal...with this personality change remain? Will I have to deal with this ass until my youngest is 18?

I’m so tired of this roller coaster ride...

26 comments posted: Thursday, May 13th, 2021