I finally left!

I had posted here a few times a while back and I just wasn’t ready to leave him. I thought that I couldn’t. I was beat down and manipulated so badly. He would tell me I would never survive financially without him. He would say that no one will ever want me and then I just settled for him and crap like that.
I just wanted to say that I have been no contact for 10 months. I had to take a order protection out on him and he violated it and stalked me and has been in jail and there are still criminal charges pending, but we have been divorced since last July and I have had zero communication with him since April so for 10 months now and it has been really really hard, but I am so proud of myself, and I just wanted to thank everyone who made all the comments or spoke to me and encouraged me, because even though I wasn’t ready, then, I did ultimately leave and all the words that you say do matter, and do stick in peoples heads and help them to make their decision…when they’re ready.

11 comments posted: Wednesday, February 7th, 2024

Why is it so hard to hate.?

Married 5 1/2 years, he had an affair 2 1/2 years ago. Begged and pleaded for forgiveness. Important to note that he did not confess until he got caught. Shattered my world. Within 3-4 months, I caught him sexting...reaching out to old lovers he hadn’t spoken to in years...I’d estimate 15 at least different women whom he messaged inappropriately in the last 2 years, one he did kiss and another he "met for breakfast.l
"EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I stayed. I begged him to stop.
Every time hurt as bad as the first but even worse. So my heart would start healing and then a few months later er I would find something else and get hurt again.
In the midst of all this, I had half my thyroid removed w/cancer in it. I’m not on meds thank the Lord and my bloodwork is perfect. But I have gained an abnormal amount of weight. So then that hasn’t helped. He says I’m fat....has said hurtful things like he is not attracted to me. He hates how negative I have become but he has no empathy because he’s the reason.
He has been verbally abusive...calls me stupid and a fucking idiot. He has been physically abusive to the extent of throwing things at me and pushing me and has choked me once.
I stayed and stayed. And I’m getting sadder and sadder.
I work in law enforcement so it’s pathetic but when you leave be someone it’s hard to hate them.
Easter Sunday last week I told him to leave. He put a gun to his head and spent the next several hours crying and begging me not to make him leave.
I compromised by telling him he has to move out. That we will separate and try to work on ourselves. I have a bad feeling he is going to turn hateful if I actually follow through on what I told him needs to happen. I love him so much. This is so hard. I’m trying to be strong. I don’t want to throw my life away and most of all I’m tired of being depressed and negative and sad.
I would appreciate any encouragement or advice.

10 comments posted: Thursday, April 28th, 2022