Feeling so embarrassed and stuck after my divorce

I'm a 29 year old recently divorced guy. Aside from some martial issues, I thought I had a pretty decent setup. Nice apartment, career, great wife. Before finding out my ex was having an affair, I thought we were on track on with working on our issues. I respected myself enough to leave the marriage. Now I find myself back with my parents starting over. They convinced me to give up renting, and stay home to save for a house. Meanwhile, my peers are already new homeowners, with well paying jobs. Some have amazing partners, and great social lives. It seems like everything just falls into place for them.

I recently got back into dating. Most of the women I've met are also doing well for themselves. Great jobs, new homeowners, nice cars etc. A few told me that I'm making a smart decision, but I can't help but to feel crappy sometimes.

I'm happy for all of my friends and the women I've met, but idk where it went wrong for me. I worked so hard to be successful. I earned my degree, do well on my job, and tried to pick a good partner. I ended up divorced, and forced to move back home at nearly 30. Being cheated on doesn't bother me nearly as much as it once did. Its her loss. But I don't know how long it'll take me to be independent again. It just feels like I took 5 steps forward, and 10 steps back.

18 comments posted: Wednesday, February 24th, 2021

Trying to figure out the post-divorce life.

My D-Day was back in May, and I filed immediately. Turns out my WW was cheating for most of our 1.5 year marriage. We didn't have sex at all in marriage, and rarely during engagement. We were in counseling for it for 6 months. The therapist ran out of options for us. She was with her AP the entire time, and didn't say anything. I found out on my own. I was devastated. I've been healing well since then. I've been in IC for the last few months, started exercising again, and hanging out with friends more. I'm starting to realize that my ex was bad for my mental health. Some would argue that her witholding sex was bad for my physical health as well.

I've been talking to a girl I met years ago at a party for the last month. We lost contact after she got back with her ex. Then I met my ex. I left a friendly comment on her Facebook post, and it started from there. She's really cool, and I enjoy talking with her. I asked her out for drinks last week and bowling last night. We talked for hours. She said she had fun both times. The conversations are also becoming more personal between us. She's hung out with a couple a guys recently, but nothing serious. I hung out with another girl a couple of times, but I don't plan on going anywhere past a friendship with her for unrelated reasons. I never labeled our meetups as dates. I always used "hang out" instead. I've always had a crush on her, before meeting my ex. Since we both had fun, should I ask her out on an official date next time?

I never expected to be seeing another person so soon, but I'm having fun with her. I even had "what-if we never lost contact" thoughts in my head when my marriage was struggling. Am I moving too fast? Since we had fun, should I ask her out on an official date? If so, would that be the time to make a move (hand holding, kiss) etc.?

[This message edited by ColdChickenNugge at 9:27 AM, October 19th (Monday)]

4 comments posted: Monday, October 19th, 2020

I was on the path to healing, now I feel like crap again.

I recently finalized a divorce from my wife who was in a affair most of our marriage. We were in a deadbedroom the entire marriage, and counseling didn't help. Her affair took place during counseling, and she didn't even bring it up. When I found out, I was devastated. It was undoubtedly one of the worst pains I've ever been in. She tried apologizing. I shortly found out that she send nudes to someone else a few years ago. I had enough of the lies. I filed immediately.

Fast forward to a few months later:

I've been working on healing. I'm in IC, I've been hanging out with friends, and getting support from family. I moved in with them temporarily to get back on my feet. It's still painful, but I'm functioning much better now. My therapist was even excited of my improvement. I reconnected with a girl from an internship, and we started texting regularly. She is nice, but she has a pretty busy schedule. A while ago, I told her about my situation, and she was very supportive. We still had great convo afterwards. My hope was that we could be friends and hang out. She has gone silent on me over the past few days. My last couple of messages have gotten no responses. She still makes occasional Facebook posts and watches my Snapchat stories however. I believe I've been ghosted. On top of that, I had to run some errands in the area where my ex and I used to live the other day. Being there brought up triggers that I thought I was no longer bothered by.

Now I feel almost how I did on D-Day. I've been moping all day, and can't seem to come out of it. I'm not sure why I was ghosted by this girl, or cheated on by my ex-wife. It makes me feel undesirable as a man.

I decided that I'm done with women for a long time. I'm even considering being single forever. As much as I would LOVE to be a great dad and husband one day, my heart just can't handle any more lying, using, cheating, or ghosting from people. Whenever I hit it off with a woman now, I'll always think "it's only a matter of time before she stomps on my heart". I'd much rather focus on me now, because I know I won't hurt myself.

7 comments posted: Friday, September 18th, 2020

Decided to move on. What's next?

I am divorcing my wife who has cheated throughout our marriage. Luckily, we had no kids or property together. I am still dealing with the pain of the affair and our split. Fortunately, I'm getting better thanks to therapy, books, and family support. Unfortunately, I have to move back in with my Mom and step-Dad. They are awesome, but I truly valued being in my own space. Since being on my own, I've got accustomed to inviting friends over whenever, cooking whatever I wanted, and following my own rules.

My family are telling me to use this time to save as much as possible for a house down payment. However, that will be a very lengthy process. Also, I'm not sure if I can afford a nice home in my desired areas at the moment.

Sometimes, I wonder if it would make more sense to just rent for now. I'd be able to be back on my own in a couple of months that way. Obviously I'm not thinking of dating right now, but I will eventually. I'm not sure how women would feel about me still living with my parents. What do you suggest?

13 comments posted: Monday, July 27th, 2020