Why
After about 2 months of the affair, I came clean. Why? Guilt. I ended things with the AP. I thought about not saying anything but that made me an emotional wreck. I told my spouse and completely destroyed him. We have been trying to recover. Its not easy. D day is 4/15/20 I told him everything. Initially I was not truthful about the time line and my spouse has had a difficult time piecing it together. I have told him the truth and what happened. He has a hard time understanding why so I think that's why he continues to act a kind of way. What kind of way? I feel the distance. Our connection feels almost non existent. He makes comments how he knows I'm not that into him and that he's my 2nd choice something he just has to live with. How do we move forward with talk/thinking like that. We hardly have sex and he likes to remind me that we are "partners" and i feel like he's staying in the marriage out of convenience. He can go be with someone else and he knows that. So why doesn't he? What is the point? Honestly, if that's how he feels and this is where we are why can't we go our separate ways? I could leave sure. But its my responsibility to give this all I've got. In just tired
4 comments posted: Friday, February 17th, 2023
BS wants name change
It has been 2 weeks since my spouse has agreed to give me 90 days to make my attempt at reconciliation. We have gone on dates, been intimate. Some days I've felt we are getting closer and goimg somewhere. But suddenly he shuts down and says he can't look at me without feeling triggered and our sex life isn't what it seems because he does not feel good enough as the other guy. The last 8 years of our relationship are no longer good memories. Now he can recall all my flaws. i was 20 when we got together and im 29 now so I've been far less than perfect and have grown alot over the years. He would like me to go file the paper work for a name change. My BS is trying to help make it easy for me to buy my own condo and leave rather than just pack my car up and go to an apartment. He's still looking out for me and idk why. Im willing to do whatever it takes, I want this 90 days to show him that I am going to be a better individual and a safe partner. My BS does not really give me the opportunity to show him these things. I've heard it takes two to reconcile. Is him pushing me away part of it? Should I go get my name change and focus on moving forward by myself? Forget the whole 90 day thing and move on? My BS doesn't have an outlet and im just not sure what to do. How to support and be present but let go...this seems to be it but again I've read up on infidelity and affairs. I've seen some BS advice and its either to leave or to keep fighting because this is just normal for him to not want to be with me and then the next make love to me. I want to do the right thing for the relationship. I dont want to cause anymore damage.
[This message edited by violet09 at 12:50 PM, April 2nd (Friday)]
9 comments posted: Friday, April 2nd, 2021
Looking for WS support and advice
My husband and I have been together since 2012. We married in October of 2019. In February, 2020 i started talking to a c9 worker. We began to have a flirtatious relationship from 2/10/2020 to about 3/1/2020 during the time period of 3/1/2020 to 3/15/2020, i gave him oral sex often and then right before our job sent us to work from home due to covid, we had sex twice. So we went to work from home 3/16/2020. The ap and I continued to communicate through text. We sent explicit photos to eachother and I sent explicit videos. April 9, 2020 I cut off all communication with the ap. I began to find it really difficult to look at my husband without being consumed with guilt and breaking down in tears. So April 15, 2020 I sat my husband down and I told him what I did. I lied at first and told him it was a two week affair then later came clean about it actually being a 2 month affair. I shut down. We tried to go to MC but I now realize I was not willing to be vulnerable with my husband. I tried a few times but as soon as it was uncomfortable for me I ran. I wanted him to get over it. I didn't want to talk about it because I told him what happened what else was there to say? Well other details came trickling out over a period of 6 months. Nothing that I denied really, but things I didn't mention because I didn't want him to hurt more than what he already was. HUGE mistake. We are approaching a year since i told him. This pass sunday, we got into an argument. I told him I didn't know what else to say, he told me to get out. When he said that, honestly it was like a light turned on. I could tell he is sincere and doesn't want to continue this. I came back to the house that same night. For the following couple of days he stood his ground and wanted me to know he doesn't want to continue this with me. I told him I wanted to show him that he is important to me and that he is worth the fight for me. I will make the effort to be vulnerable and be open about whatever he wants to talk about. I slept in a seperate room. The day before yesterday, I went into his room and held him telling him that I miss him and how sorry I am for the way I've treated him. He agreed to give me my last chance even though it was really hard for him to do because it was already hard enough for him to say he was done. We had a decent day. But then bed time came and he didn't want me to touch him, he went into the other room to sleep. This is rough for him especially after almost a year of getting no where and no suddenly here I am wanting to engage. I honestly haven't posted on here or talked much to anyone about this. I want to have a deeper understanding of how he feels, and what to expect. I will continue to fight for this marriage. I want this to work and want to explore a new relationship with him. My husband is a great guy and has taught me the true definition of what love is. I can't say I've done the same for him.
2 comments posted: Friday, March 19th, 2021
