Healing after confessing

I haven’t quite gotten the lingo down yet but this post welcomes responses from both wayward AND betrayed.

Good morning. I’m new and haven’t shared my full story. In a nutshell, my A ended 10 years ago. It started when I was 19 with my boss who was 10 years older than me. He pursued me. My H (boyfriend at the time) and I had been dating one year. The A happened during work hours and was on and off for 3 years (a big gap of time that it was “off” , H and I got engaged). We married and then it happened once more after marriage. H and I were friends with AP and his wife during all of that time. We don’t talk to them anymore.

I have been completely faithful to my H since then and have lived in shame and guilt about this secret A. I am a Christian and the Lord really began convicting me and I felt like I needed to tell my H. I knew it would break his heart but June 19th Of this year, I confessed. I tt and have had 2 more Ddays since then. Not a soul knows about the A besides us. My ExAP doesn’t even know I confessed (as far as I know H hasn’t had a real conversation with him about it). We never talk to him anymore.

My H and I have always had a WONDERFUL marriage. We are seriously best friends and have been so happy to have each other. My needs have always been met and I’ve never felt like I was lacking anything.

My H has been doing “Harboring Hope” through affair recovery but other than that neither one of us have had any counseling. He is unsure about whether or not he wants that.

I know 4 months is still VERY early in the process but I’m just wondering what y’alls experience is with reconciliation when the WW willingly confesses.

Also, does it make it harder that it happened 10 years ago? We both want our marriage to work. We also have 2 children We are in hard days right now. I guess I’m just looking for any kind of hope.

[This message edited by Aching44giveness at 10:57 AM, October 29th (Thursday)]

102 comments posted: Thursday, October 29th, 2020