BS (me) WH (him) - Together 5 yearsD-Day1 - 14.11.20 - discovered EA and PA with COWD-Day 2 - 6-3-21 - discovered that WH had been online cheating for 4/5 years'Him cheating was never about me.'
Struggling finding WH attractive
Lately I've just been feeling like I'm not attracted to my WH anymore.
He is physically attractive. But I just don't feel attracted to him.
I don't really know what to do about it, if anything at all.
The bugger issues for me are just not having the feeling of desire, uniqueness, no longer having the feeling of being important and special, and without those, I'm not really sure what feelings there are left to have about my WH, and about how he feels about me.
I think for me, the issues stems from the fact that I lived through trickle truth over 9 months. I never got full honesty and transparency from him, so I did my little detective work and pieced everything together myself. Then when I finally had pretty much the full picture, he finally came clean. But by that time, I'd already lost a lot of faith and hope in him.
From that point onwards, he started to change and show remorse for his actions, really started to grow as a person, but I remember the hurt and the pain I went through over the first 9 months after D-day. I remember the lack of remorse, I remember the cruelty, the blameshifting and gaslighting, all of that. I think about the fact that he was capable of being so cruel, and I just don't know how I can feel love for and attracted to somebody who was willing to do that to me. Who was willing to hurt me so deeply, after an initial pain that was already horrible enough.
I don't know. I am wondering if I'll ever feel attracted to him again. Even as he is changing and becoming a safer person, I just struggle because I still see him as the person who was not willing to go NC with AP until 2 months later when I discovered he was still seeing her.
It's kind of like an out of body experience, I look at him sometimes and think, I don't know you at all, even if he is being completely faithful now, I may never know if he is or not, because for me, I was truly shocked when I found out he'd been unfaithful, I was utterly convinced he was a faithful person, I genuinely didn't have warning signs.
I'm getting off topic. What do you do when you don't find your spouse attractive anymore? Is this a phase? Do we get through this? Any thoughts on similar experiences would be appreciated.
6 comments posted: Tuesday, November 1st, 2022
