Bad wife

So at times my husband and I get into arguments because at times I get tired of doing certain things around the house. I would like help then we bicker on who does what and my husband tells me I'm a bad wife because I get tired of always having to do certain chores around the house. When I tell him I do alot and I would like help then that makes me a bad wife. I tell him that it doesn't make me a bad wife. what makes me a bad wife is that I cheated, I lied and betrayed him for another man. If we fight about who cooks and who has to clean.he just throws I that I cheated. These habits of bickering and not getting help happened before the affair. at times I just feel defeated and lost. Its so hard because I'm this horrible person and since my husband didn't cheat he is better then me. When I say I'm sorry for being so horrible to him and that I am working on being there for him. He just tells me good for me. He then calls me a horrible mother for hurting my son. I tell him if my son feels that way then he needs to tell me and not my husband. it's hard to get any point across that doesn't involve the affair. When it's simple things he just throws in my face that I cheated. I don't think I'll ever escape that quality.thats all my husband sees in me no matter what amount of work I do. Maybe I'm making a deal over nothing. But at times it's hard to talk about just getting simple help around the house without being told I'm and wife and that I'm just a cheater.

[This message edited by Patty21 at 9:41 PM, July 1st (Thursday)]

8 comments posted: Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Feeling down

At times it's been a struggle dealing with my affair and how it's affected my husband. It's a terrible feeling I get seeing my husband struggle how I took his soul and just crushed it. I have been finding ways to reach out to my husband when he is feeling down or is upset. I'm learning to attend to his needs more and more each day. I make the time to see how he is or if he is really down. I tell him I'm sorry he is in so much pain and how I am sorry for betraying him. When he wants space or tells me is really down. I let him be and I just let him know if he wants to talk about the affair or need me to listen that I am here for him. I ensure my husband that I do love him and I am sorry for not showing that to him. How selfish and I was a coward not to fix our marriage. Each day is hard for me I try to go on each day by reading, finding ways to be there for my husband, when he is down. I talk to him and I apologize that he has this pain because of me. That I feel horrible to see him this way and how I just want to continue to show that I am remorseful for my actions. At times I feel that I am losing my husband each day. Idk if he will ever be okay or learn to find happiness with me or anyone. It's not a good feeling knowing I ruined his life and our marriage. It's been hard because around this time I was engaging in my affair. I know that's all my husband thinks about and I do too. I just can't believe I thought it was okay to do that. I should have been focused on fixing my marriage not finding comfortable in another man. When I wanted to start a family and my husband was. I was too busy with another man. I am angry with myself for putting my marriage and wanting expand my family. Now because of my actions I might never get that chance with my husband. I'm 34 and I'm not sure if I will ever get the case to have another Child. I took that away from my husband and myself. It's a harsh reality and hard pill to swallow knowing these are the outcomes of my actions. I am doing my best to stay strong for my husband because he is my main priority. But each day I struggle and it's hard to find happiness. I have started a new job which has made things a little better, also been reading and working out. Just trying to be healthy for my mind and body. One day at a time. I tell myself

28 comments posted: Thursday, July 1st, 2021

People's why

I want others to share their why's and why then had an affair. Mine was seeking the attention from another man and just that someone was nice to me. I didn't feel that I was put down and had someone there for me. I didn't have to ask for them to treat me a certain way. They just wanted to. Even though it felt nice I really wanted it from my husband but I couldn't. I did communicate and tell them what I wanted just it didn't get through them. I know I was wrong to not try hard enough or that having an affair wouldn't fix anything. my spouse tells me I'm blaming them. I am not trying to but I am working on what my why is. I still have work to do because these reasons aren't good enough. Being abused growing up and in one of my relationship it made me lash out and I didn't care. That's what happened this time. So I am working on that through therapy so I don't continue this pattern even if I stay married or have another relationship.

5 comments posted: Tuesday, June 15th, 2021

Nothing I do is good enough. What to do

So I have taken the advice I have gotten from many people on here. My problem is that I feel stuck with my husband. I am the one who lied, cheated and ruined my marriage. I have taken steps to improve myself and doom my best to be there for my husband. I'm always told no matter what I say or do will never be good enough. That the damaged is done. I have tried many times to apologize but I am told it's too late I should have never cheated. I try to talk or listen when I feel my husband is hurt or just to ask how he is. He pushes me away. Then later tells me that I'm not doing enough. AT times I stop saying sorry or ask how he is since it feels like it's not good enough. I am just told I'll always be a cheater and just because I have stopped the affair that doesn't mean anything. It's hard to be be there for my husband when he doesn't want anything from me since I was the one who betrayed him. Alot of things trigger my husband and it just makes it hard to be there for him. I feel terrible for hurting my husband and being so selfish. I do hope we can get through this. We have talked about divorce but we haven't gone through with it. He had an idea in Nov but found out in dec. I still feel that he is stuck and still in alot of pain. During this time last year was the affair. So I know that triggers him alot. Instead of focusing on looking for a home and to have a baby. I was too busy with another man. I was in therapy I am taking a break because of insurance and same Roth my husband. I am just lost on how I can be there for him without getting the cold shoulder. I don't blame my husband for the affair I have taken full responsibility. My husband has admitted to his abuse towards me but it's hard to talk about when the main focus is my affair. I am told we can't really talk or focus on that until my husband heals from the affair.

54 comments posted: Tuesday, June 15th, 2021

Idk how to show empathy

I have said many times how sorry I am and have gone into dept of what I did. If I don't talk about the affair everyday then my husband thinks I'm just trying to sweep it under the rug. I don't feel terrible for the pain I have caused. Just it's hard to apologize when I am told I should have thought of that before. When he asks me why I cheated I tell him. It was nice for someone to pay attention to me and not treat me so bad. He says that's not a reason. My husband didn't treat me well. I did reach out to him but things didn't change. So when I chatted with my co worker things changed. He was kind and gave me attention and listened to me I didn't have to ask for it. I know I was selfish and I don't deserve another chance. I have given up lots of things to show I have made changes. He continues to tell me no matter what I do. I will be a cheater to him. So I don't understand why he is with me. He continues to talk bad about me. When he needs my help or wants to be intimate he is nice to me. Every weekend he tries to be nice as soon as the week starts it goes back to him giving me a hard time. He isn't ready to R with me.he wants me to feel ashamed for what I did every single day. I stopped saying sorry or talk about the affair because he tells me no matter what I do it won't change. So I'm not sure why were still married. I go to therapy I am told that I do need to heal. Before I cheated my husband abused me and I need to help from that. I have to learn to have love for myself. I haven't had love or respect for myself in a long time. I just feel like no matter what I do. I'm not sorry enough or it may seem that I don't care when I do. At times I do get upset with my husband because he just talks negative about me. He chooses not to see the changes I have made.

17 comments posted: Wednesday, May 26th, 2021

My husband constantly talks about the affair in front of my son

So I have tried all the time to talk about the affair with my husband. He tells me he has nothing to say. Everyday he talks about it and argues in front of my son. He is 11 and I have told him not to do it.he continues to do it on a daily basis. He purposely tries to hurt me because of what I did. He doesn't want to reconcile with me. He continues to tell me no matter what I do or changes I make he will not forgive me or work with me. I have been looking for another job. I'm have an interview so I hope that will make things better. But each week it's tough. I try to be on his level but he won't let me. He enjoys to tell my son how horrible I am. My son knows and he still loves me. I don't know what to do. I just feel like no matter what I do he just wants to hurt me. I have asked why does he want to be with me but he doesn't know why. Or the fact he is staying for my son while he continues to treat me bad. I know I fucked up but I really am doing my best. I go to therapy and he has gone a few times. He doesn't use the tools or advice. Is it okay that he talks about the affair everyday in front of my son. I have stopped asking to talk because he tells me has nothing to say. He has alot to say when my son is around.i feel lost and just don't feel like I'm making an progress with my husband. I don't think he wants to reconcile with me.he just wants to cause me pain and hurt me. Maybe I'm overreacting.not sure

40 comments posted: Thursday, May 20th, 2021

Podcast

Does anyone have a podcast to share that I can listen to on my free time?

2 comments posted: Monday, May 3rd, 2021

Do most marriages work or fail after an affair?

I would like to know from both parties can a marriage be saved or improve in a positive way. I have read online that alot of marriages are even stronger then before. Some divorce is the only way out. I just would like to know if that's true or not.

54 comments posted: Thursday, April 29th, 2021

Do most marriages work or fail after an affair?

Duplicate post

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:43 PM, April 29th (Thursday)]

0 comment posted: Thursday, April 29th, 2021

Some advice please

It's been a few months since my husband has found out about my affair. I feel lost and just stuck about my life. I know what I did was wrong and I do take full responsibility.at times it is hard to explain to my husband why I did this. He tells me it's a choice not a mistake. It's frustrating when he tells me that I can't change and I will cheat again. I really am trying my best to fix myself and figure out why I decided to do this to my family. I had a rough upbringing. then my father wasn't in my life. I had a bad relationship which I had child. Then my recent relationship I have cheated on my husband of 2 years. I really could use some advice on how to improve myself and really show my husband that I take full responsibility and that I am sorry for the pain I have caused him. I am now going to find another job it causes alot of pain to my husband. Plus I think it would help me focus more on my job career then my husband to worry what's going on at work. I have started therapy to heal from the trauma growing up and really finding out why I cheated. Even though my husband wasn't th nicest to me.he did verbally and emotionally abuse me but I know it's not an excuse to have hurt him. Any advice would really help me out. I can't eat and sleep. I am very depressed and just feel horrible for what I did.

70 comments posted: Tuesday, April 13th, 2021

Advice

Hello

I cheated on my husband with a coworker. It's been 3 months since the affair. Each day is difficult. I have caused my husband so much pain. It's hard to be there for him because I am the reason he feels this way. I do my best to comfort him or I write him letters. I am looking to seek therapy. I know I messed up. I am trying to gain my husbands trust and to repair our relationship if that's possible. I know it's not easy. I am just looking for advice in this hard time in my life.

3 comments posted: Thursday, March 18th, 2021

My husband found out I was cheating on him with a coworker

So in Nov/Dec my husband had an idea I was cheating on him. I kept telling him that there was nothing going on. I was afraid to tell him the truth of what was going on. I had started talking with a co worker and it eventually turned into something more. The last 3 months have been difficult. Just the shame and guilt that I feel by my actions. My husband keeps asking why I did it. I just felt like I was missing that I wasn't good enough and got tired of how my husband was treating me. I became so angry with my husband that I was doing what I want and not thinking about the consequences yet. I have told my husband everything that happened but he doesn't believe me. I feel alone and very ashamed of myself. I wish I really didn't let my emotions get the best of me. Growing up I was molested and then later in my 20s had an abusive BF. Not sure what to do. I have done everything my husband asks me. I keep location on my phone I don't delete anything and I have stopped contact with my co worker. I keep work at work and then I focus on my family at home. I feel like I'm losing my husband each day. I know I have shattered his heart and I pray that we can overcome this together. I know I need to see a therapist for my past as a child and early adult life. I do hope things will get better one day.

15 comments posted: Thursday, March 4th, 2021