Me BH (51) her STBXWW (47) AP (30)
D-Day 3/14 (3 months before our 7th Anniversary)
Multiple Rs requested but she refused
She moved out May 1, D final on 6/24
No biological kids, 1 stepdaughter

Contact with the WS after D

This is a question of the peeps without biological children involved, which obviously creates the need for contact with the WS. I'm looking for opinions on whether contact with a WS is ok, or not healthy, and how others have handled it.

I've been thinking lately of what things will be like after the STBXWW's move out date (May 1st). Will she defriend me on FB (she hasn't yet)? Will she block my number? Will she send friendly texts or just delete my number? Also, I don't know what I want...I know I'll heal faster with NC.

Today the issue actually came up. The stepdaughter just had to put down a sick dog at the other household, and they already put another dog down earlier in the year. She's upset that her life is going from 6 dogs at the beginning of the year down to 2 (2 put down, 2 staying with me). So we had a conversation about them being able to borrow the dogs on occasion. It's a good reason to keep contact IMO. I just don't know how it will affect me.

48 comments posted: Saturday, April 10th, 2021

Antidepressants

I have a degree in psychology, which makes things kinda weird because I tend to self-diagnose a lot. I know that feeling sad going through a divorce with a betrayal is normal, even healthy. I welcome the pain sometimes like a masochist. I know healing will start when she's gone and I don't have the same wounds ripped open daily.

What I worry about is longer term depression. I used to think depression was sort of a myth, that "it's just being really sad." That was until about a year before I met the STBXWW. I lost both parents in the span of 4 years, and my mom (the 2nd one) to a particularly unpleasant death a month after a serious relationship breakup. Then I learned what depression was really like.

Went through the double-grieving process like what I thought was normal, then something unexpected happened. I would have days or hours of untriggered euphoria, then I'd have the same with intense sadness...again with no triggers. It got maddening because I never knew when one feeling or the other would happen, and it would screw up a lot of plans I'd made. Caused a lot of spontaneous sick days. At the time I did nothing about it, figuring time would make it go away. Meeting the STBXWW seemed to help, with the whirlwind romance that blossomed quickly.

I know it's going to come back. As a veteran I can go to the VA and get treatment/antidepressants for it. I know it's going to be bad and I'm in for a rough ride. I also don't necessarily want to get hooked on a "crutch" the rest of my life. I'm not anti-medicine, but I don't ever want to be on any sort of pill (outside of supplements) that I HAVE to take long term. Looking for opinions/advice from people that have done antidepressants. Do they work? Are they something that a person can "kick" down the road? Thoughts?

[This message edited by BetrayedGamer at 1:27 AM, April 6th (Tuesday)]

8 comments posted: Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

Trusting again

So I posted a few weeks ago in the Just Found Out section about my wife wanting a divorce (7 year marriage), saying we've grown apart, when in reality she is having an online affair with a gaming friend of hers. I tried 3 conversations to try and save the marriage, on the 3rd one she finally admitted to the affair, so we're both fully focused on the divorce. I filed earlier this week. We are in complete agreement on how to split the assets (I keep the house and the dogs) and if all things fall into place she should be moving out mid-to late April.

While the logistics of the divorce are not causing any additional stress, every night she sits in the living room playing this game with her new boyfriend, and if I'm in the kitchen getting something I constantly overhear her saying "I love you" and other flirty things about planning their life together. The feelings of rejection and betrayal are overwhelming at times...saying to myself "you are better off without her" doesn't seem to help at all right now. For the first 6 years I thought I had met someone as my equal of moral character and integrity...all gone in a couple months of online flirting. She was my best friend, I never thought she was capable of this.

How do I get past these crushing emotions of rejection...I know it will get better once she is gone but even late April seems an insurmountable challenge to reach. More importantly...how do I ever trust again? I've been cheated on before (by girlfriends) but each of those times I saw signs ahead of time and chose to ignore it...this time it was by the last person on earth I expected to cheat on me. I am anxious to date again, but no matter how nice someone comes across now how am I ever going to think they couldn't do the same thing to me?

[This message edited by BetrayedGamer at 8:07 PM, March 25th (Thursday)]

54 comments posted: Thursday, March 25th, 2021