Triggers

My BS recently mentioned after a triggering event that I am a trigger for her and I'm not sure how to reconcile that. I know that not all triggers are equal and I am trying my best to be more cognizant of what kinds of things might be triggering to her and avoid/remove those things if possible.

However, I am not sure what to do if it is actually just me who is the trigger. She has been really trying her best and I am grateful for every day that she continues to try and work through the significant amount of pain and trauma I've inflicted on her through my choices and actions, but I don't know what to do when she says that and I want to ask for some outside perspective on what I can do better or should be doing differently.

14 comments posted: Thursday, November 18th, 2021

Motivation

Hey everyone!

Hope you are all having a good week; mine has been so-so. I am currently dealing with some difficulties because my morale is a bit low, and I wonder about some of the things you WS do to stay motivated and engaged with the journey of healing. Especially when the journey feels like an exercise of futility when it comes to saving your relationship with your BS.

I know that I am not doing this for any specific outcome with regard to my marriage - I gave up that choice when I chose to be unfaithful, but I also don't want to give off the impression that I have given up hope, and I am trying to spend more time reading and doing things that keep me motivated to do better and be better for my own sake, and not because I think it will keep my BS around.

Any advice is appreciated!

5 comments posted: Wednesday, July 7th, 2021

Struggling

How did you other WS begin to wrap your heads around the pain that you caused your BS?

My BW told me last night that she doesn't think I "get it" and I am trying, but it is difficult for me to truly understand the depth of my betrayal. Does anyone have advice? I have been lurking for some time and have done a lot of reading, I am currently in IC, but I still find myself struggling.

Any advice?

14 comments posted: Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021