Getting Married this Friday!

It's been a long time since I posted here. I don't recall when, Probably around the 2 year anniversary of DDay. I ended up filing for divorce 2 weeks before Christmas 2021. I was devastated, never wanted to get a divorce, but I never wanted a cheating spouse either.

I tried to date throughout last year but found that I couldn't. Not only did I recall how bad I was at dating 13 years ago, I was considerably worse now lol. And the pain was so overwhelming, I knew that I wasn't healed, not even close. Jan of last year I found a church that offered a lot of programs and classes, fell in love with Jesus and started reading the Bible everyday. After following Jesus, I realized that forgiveness wasn't just a buzzword. To be a follower of Jesus, I had to forgive my ex for what she did. I never wanted to do that, I wanted to stay bitter forever. My pain and victimhood became a badge of honor, I wasn't the one that destroyed my marriage, I was the good one, feel bad for me etc. I think victim status is powerful in our society.

Anyways it was the hardest thing I ever did. I prayed, read and worked on it for weeks and weeks. I was finally able to say I forgive her. It took several more weeks to be able to include her in my daily prayers, asking for God to work in her life, change her heart. I still do this to this day.

my divorce was in July 2022. One of those classes they offered was DivorceCare. My pastor texted me and I signed up. This was in October 22, I was feeling good about being single, happy to be back to figuring myself out and living on my own. I was happy, but I used those 10 weeks to go deeper, and really feel my divorce. to work though the pain that was still hidden.

I prayed to God, "If you intend me to be with someone, you need to put them in my life, I don't want to date around". Well, 4 days later I meet my fiancé. What I didn't know was at the same time praying that, her dad was praying a similar prayer. We talked for weeks, decided to finally meet up. We hit it off and have been inseparable since. I never knew what it was like to be truly loved by the person I loved. I thought I had that in my marriage, but it was clear after meeting her that I never had that. I loved my ex but never got the same in return.

I have never been happier. I can't wait to marry my best friend. I never thought I would every marry again, I am so glad I didn't give up.

7 comments posted: Thursday, June 8th, 2023

Just about to the finish line

My stbxww offered to sign off the house for 10,000 dollars. Still not sure why she offered it, but I took it. spent the last 4 days completely cleaning the house out, and have some contractors there this week, new carpet and a deep clean, the house will be on the market in a couple weeks

I got a favorable settlement from her, agreed to 50-50 custody, the kids stay in their school district, those were the big big ones I was going to fight for.

We have a hearing Monday where we will enter the final JOD. This whole process has been so awful, it's surreal that it's been 7 months and I'm standing this close to the finish line. I don't feel healed, I've been living in my own place for the last 3 months and that helped a lot, but it's gonna take a lot more time and I think (hope) I can finish healing after everything is final

I am most excited about getting rid of that house, it's full of broken dreams and promises, it hurts to look at it. She started her affairs the moment we moved into that house. It was supposed to be her dream house, the place we could watch the kids grow up, have their open houses, an investment we would cash in when the kids moved away. We did have some good times in that house but they're shrouded in pain and anguish. I can finally give away the stone that has been weighing me down.

Another couple weeks

8 comments posted: Monday, July 18th, 2022

Nope, not that

Happy new beginnings! I know I am a long ways away from being ready to date, but there are so many new doors opening for me, my entire life is newly beginning, so why not a post?

I have received support from the most unexpected places, reconnected with old friends. Meeting with an old flame tomorrow, no it ain't like that... her mom is dying of brain cancer and they just stopped her treatment, taking her for coffee to get her mind off everything for a couple hours. That and I am working on filling up my days when she is at home with the kids. Donated blood for the first time Wednesday just so I didn't have to be around her.

I joined a church. I know how some are about religion, I was raised catholic until I quit in 8th grade so trust me, I know. But this place seems pretty good, good music, young pastor, classes and events and Bible study. Real laid back place, just great people that love Jesus. If one wonders how I found Jesus after 36 years, well it's not hard in the deep dark pit of infidelity and divorce with a sociopath, I have seen evil and know without a doubt it exists. Nature has a yin and a yang, a beautiful semitry, if evil exists, then so does Jesus.

I am down 103 lbs since 3-1-21 as of today, and my lower back thanks me for it everyday 😆 March was when I knew I was going to be divorcing. That was the moment my own healing begun. Took awhile to feel ready to file, I gave her plenty of time to find my replacement, but that's alright.

For the first time in a real long time I'm getting excited about my life again, my time with my children, my time without them. Gonna take some dance classes, start playing bass guitar again, because why not? Started IC, think I'm gonna bump it up to once a week for a bit. I'm finding love again, and it's love for myself I haven't felt in 12 years.

Song on my ears right now, Momma Sad by Pucifer

Wake up, son of mine
Momma got something to tell you
Changes come
Life will have it's way
With your pride, son
Take it like a man

Hang on, son of mine
A storm is blowing up your horizon

Changes come
Keep your dignity
Take the high road
Take it like a man

Listen up, son of mine
Momma got something to tell you
All about growing pains
Life will pound away
Where the light don't shine, son
Take it like a man
Suck it up, son of mine
Thunder blowing up your horizon

Changes come
Keep your dignity
Take the high road
Take it like a man

Momma said like the rain
Like a kidney stone
It's just a broken heart, son
This pain will pass away

✌️ and ❤️

3 comments posted: Saturday, January 15th, 2022

I have reached the end of my marriage

Going to be filing this week. I always told myself that cheating was a deal breaker for me. I spent the last 2 years trying to get over it and work it out with my STBXWW but I just couldn't get past it, and she couldn't be bothered to do the tough work on herself to do what she can to save us. I still don't think I have the whole truth, but I never will. I have put off my own healing and progress because I had no idea what I was being asked to forgive.

I will be made out to be the bad guy. Remains to be seen if she will try to burn my life to the ground, she doesn't want to divorce. I want her to keep the house because what am I going to do with a 4 bedroom house? My stepdaughter has her own room and so do my 2 children, I don't want to disrupt their lives. So far she doesn't want to hear anything about her keeping the house, she doesn't want it, this was supposed to be our family home (yes, she is right on that, I busted my ass for 3 years to buy it and as soon as we move in she started her affair). I am getting it remodeled so we will see what she says when it's all new and shinny, I think she will reverse course on keeping the house then, I hope. Can't rent a 2 bed for that cost per month.

6 months waiting period in MI with kids, so 6 months to renovate the house and work on improving her credit so she can refi and buy me out. Going to shoot for 50-50 custody and stay in their school district.

On top of it all, my company is being sold and I will have to start looking for a new job. I hate change so the next 6 months are going to be rough to say the least.

I will post an update when the papers are served.

81 comments posted: Tuesday, November 9th, 2021