Found Out I have a 38 y/o Daughter Last Week

I am posting here because I don't know where else to post, and I trust the advice I have seen on the site. I received a random message on messenger last week. The message was from a woman asking me if I knew her mother. She had done a mail in DNA test and it came back a match that my sister was her Aunt. The test happened 2 years ago. At that time, she reached out to my sister and they exchanged a couple of messages and that was it. Fast forward 2 years and she sent the message to me. At first, I thought it was some kind of scam. Until she mentioned her mothers name. I sat on it for 2 days before I couldn't take it anymore and had to respond. I asked for birthdate, and it matched up with the relationship timeline.

Over the course of our conversation, it came out that she had a horrific childhood and had been no contact with her mother and her mother's entire family except an aunt. She had a abusive childhood. Through all of that, she would ask her mother who her father was. The answer she was always given was that she would tell her when she got older. But that never happened. So she essentially spent her entire life trying to find me. As shocked as I was about all of this, I am really happy and want to have a relationship with her. My wife and adult children are in shock, but have open minds. My 91 y/o mother is ecstatic and can't wait to meet her. I am going to meet her in Florida at my mothers house during mothers day weekend.

To say that I am nervous is an understatement. I need advice on how to approach this first meeting. I want her to know that she is part of my family and always will be from now on. But I don't want it to feel like I am pushing too hard. When I see her for the first time should I give her a hug? Or should I let her take the lead? I called my therapist immediately after this started and set up an appointment. She recommended that I write a letter and put all of my emotions into it and present it to her when we meet. RIght now I am a nervous wreck, and we aren't even meeting for a couple of weeks. Any advice given is appreciated. I feel like I am on the Jerry Springer show right now. Thank you all in advance.

Things I left out:
-While I am happy about all of this, my wife is very emotional about where she fits into the new family dynamic.
-When she was growing up, and her mother was struggling, they were living less than 2 miles from my parents house. They gladly would have helped had they known.
-I only dated her mother casually for a couple of months after my freshman year of college. After we split, I never heard from her or about her again.

Feel free to ask anything else. Thank you.

6 comments posted: Thursday, April 25th, 2024