The struggle is real
It has been almost 3 months since the D-day. I am getting worse emotionally. I am all over the place. Hating, then missing my WH. Screaming at him one minute, then seeking comfort from him the minute later. He just bears it all and dances to my tune at the moment... He shows remorse and wants to work on R. He was genuinely surprised by the fact that I am ruminating daily about the A.
This is not the first time it happened. My pain is unbearable at moments. I am not getting better despite counseling and medication. In fact, I cry now more than I did few weeks ago. The pain and burning in my heart and chest are intense. I am just getting worse.
When will I hit the rock bottom? How deep is this well of sadness and pain.
When did you realize you hit your rock bottom? How long did it take?
0 comment posted: Friday, February 25th, 2022
I don't want this
I don't want divorce. I don't. but I can't stay with him. he cheated twice. And I don't see a true remorse. I hear all the right words how sorry he is & how he does not want a divorce, but I don't see a genuine feeling behind it. Perhaps my judgment is clouded by my hyper-sensitivity. I am not sure. But my gut tells me, he is not really sorry. He is sorry he got caught.
What hurts is that I have to make this decision to move forward without him. And it is hard because we planned our future together and now my life is turned 180.
I am so sad. how could I be so blind to just how narcissistic he really is. I just feel so used. and now I have to make decision about divorce because he won't do it. He says he does not want a divorce and then he went to sleep. And I am wide awake rumination on the things we discussed and his reactions.
He just wants to stay guilt free and say, "well, if that is what you want". Does anyone else have a similar experience with their WS? they don't want a divorce, claim that they love you, but they betrayed you in the worst possible way (twice)? Tell me that I am stupid. I need to hear it. I need to move on... plese tell me, this is the only way, and he does not deserve yet another chance.
I need to gather my strength to move on. Divorce sucks, I don't want it, but I have to do it...
12 comments posted: Sunday, February 6th, 2022
