It happened again

28th April 2021. I found out my partner of 30 years had been having an affair for 3 months. I found out because he left his email open. I have never been one to snoop but I think I kind of knew something was going on. Very hard to see photos of another women in an expensive hotel room with your partners very distinctive bag in the picture. The more I looked the more I found. He also cheated on me in other ways. Escorts, sexting with people that were mutual friends with us both, he even brought an escort into our home....yes unforgivable I know. Anyway we have alot of history and been through alot together and we have two beautiful kids, my family unit means the world to me. I did become a bit distant in the relationship so I decided to forgive and give it another crack. This time lowering my walls and really giving my all, my love myself to him. It was very hard to heal as he never really wanted to talk about things he had done. I am the type of person that needs to know to be able to move on, plus I needed to trust again and withholding of information or not being completely honest made it hard. 2 years later I went through his phone and found out he has been sexting with another mutual friend from our past. I feel very destroyed and betrayed as how could he do this when it hurt me so much before and I was giving all my love to him. He now states he thinks he has a sex addiction. He said that nothing happened and so did the girl as I rang her and confronted her about the messaging. They both said that it was purely just messaging. To me it doesn't make much difference whether it messaging or physical contact....the damage has been done. He is very sorry and is actively seeking professional help and states he will do anything and fight for me. I am not sure I can trust him ever again. The only positive is I have been able to get out all the questions from the first time and he has been very open and honest about it all. He states he really didn't know the impact and hurt he caused and realises he never allowed me to heal. He also states the sexting didn't mean much to him but he found it exciting and that's why he wants to get help. I am supportive of this but just not sure I could go through this a 3rd time, but my family unit means so much and I love him and only see myself growing old with him. I have not told anyone about this just a really close friend. This is absolute hell, insides churning again.

8 comments posted: Thursday, June 1st, 2023