Grateful for any advice!

Hi everyone. I hope you are all ok and doing well.

I am sorry to post my sad situation on New Beginnings! Hopefully in a few months I will be posting happier updates. I am just really struggling at the moment and this has always been my safe space to talk. And I have always received such amazing advice and support here.

As you may be aware I posted on here at the beginning of January as my 1.5 relationship ended on NYE on holiday(first relationship after my ex left me for the AP).

It’s just been such a difficult time. It was such a shock when he ended things as it was such a whirlwind (or appeared to be for me) romance. For the first 12-13 months he was so romantic, loving and we travelled around Europe. He bought me flowers weekly and basically was so different to my cheating ex. He fixed things in my home, was kind and reliable and constantly told me how much he loved me and how happy he was to be with me. It was so very different to my ex. I think because I had come out of a cheating relationship I fell in love with him quickly. No one has ever made me feel so wanted and cared for. There was a red flag at the beginning as he got jealous that he thought I might be cheating (of course I was not) but this is because he had been experinced I infidelity in previous relationships and we resolved it.

Everything was fine until after about 2 months after he moved in with me. He became distant, moody and we weren’t being intimate anymore. December was very difficult. I tried to talk to him about this but he just said he was depressed. Anyway he ended our relationship on NYE and moved out the day after we returned from holiday.

It’s been a tough time as he came over several times this last month collect his belongings. I tried to talk to him but he has completely refused to discuss anything other than he was not happy for the last 2 months. He told me that relationships just don’t work out and doesn’t understand why I am upset/emotional. He stonewalled me completely and won’t discuss anything at all. Even leaving my last message unread which is hurtful. I have not been reaching out a lot or asking to reconcile. I am starting to wonder if it is emotional abuse but I’m not sure. Part of me wonders if this is depression.

It’s just really floored me. It’s like he changed into a completely different person at the end. A total personality change from the kind, supportive and fun loving partner I had for over a year. It’s really affected me as this feels like a cold stranger. It’s a shock to me. It’s been a hard adjustment living alone again.

I know I should be glad that he is gone. I wonder if it is bringing up past trauma as I feel so low again. I’m speaking to my doctor today about starting anti-Ds and am keeping as busy as possible. But eating and sleep is disturbed.

Thank you for listening.

7 comments posted: Wednesday, February 14th, 2024

First new relationship post dday has ended

Hi everyone I hope you don’t mind me posting here.I just am in a very difficult situation and feel really alone right now.

About 2 years ago today my ex left me for someone else. He was seeing her in secret. It was probably the worst experience of my life.

About 8 months later (too soon probably) I met my new partner and I took it really slowly and learnt to slowly trust again. We had an amazing year together. Fast forward 1.5 years and he moved into my place and all was going well. Until the last 1.5 months he has been distant but told me he was depressed.

We are on holiday in Turkey together at the moment. He ended our relationship last night. On New Year’s Eve. In Turkey while I’m away from my home, family and friends. He is refusing to talk to me. I barely slept last night and it’s 5am. I’m looking into flights home.

Our relationship really made me believe in love again after being cheated on. I really loved him and now I am alone again. Not good enough again. Part of me is just so grateful it’s not cheating but also it hurts me so much. I just wish I was at home with my family and friends. He is so cold. I truly hope you don’t mind me posting here but I just feel very alone.

41 comments posted: Tuesday, January 2nd, 2024

Nightmares

Hi everyone at SI

It’s been a long time since I posted on here for myself. My dday was 18 months ago. I hope I am posting in the right forum. Forgive me if it isn’t the right forum!

I just wanted to get some advice re nightmares and feeling like I am still stuck feeling angry and resentful. Mostly it’s the nightmares I would like advice about and if this is normal? Especially well over a year later?

I was absolutely devastated for a long time post dday as my ex left me for the OW. It’s a long story but it was very unexpected. We were making very big life plans. It was a huge shock. He was also covertly emotionally abusive (I know now). I was a mess for about 11 months in total. I’ve had NC since Sept last year. I guess I thought I would be fully healed by now. I did all of the right things, IC for a long time and hobbies, yoga etc. I even have a new and very caring partner (early days, taking it slow). My new partner knows about my ex and what happened. He is very understanding.

I just have a lot of nightmares. I dream of him and her. At least weekly and often more. They are really detailed dreams where the OW talks to me. I know it sounds crazy, maybe I am crazy! I’m embarrassed to admit them but feel ok saying it here. The dreams are very upsetting. I know that I am still getting over what happened.

Has anyone else experienced this? I still feel angry. I never saw him again after dday. It was a brutal discard.

Thank you. Just talking about the nightmares here really helps! I would be really grateful for any advice you may have. I was hoping they would go away but they aren’t. I don’t feel able to talk to anyone else about this.

8 comments posted: Wednesday, July 12th, 2023