What to do now?
D-day was a month ago, a type of ONS with BH's brother.
BH is now "not sure what he wants" but keeps saying he also "wants me and that he wished he'd be able to just forget this, but he cant". I know that he is grieving and also doesn't know what he wants but what do I do about this? I know that he is stuck in the world of discovery and still very much in his own head right now. Before D-day, I was the only income and we were struggling. BH now has no motivation to get a job and I think he enjoys seeing me struggle right now. I've expressed to him that we not only are broke but I am not making the money i was ~3 months ago and that we really need to be saving. He doesn't seem to care and is ready to take whatever he can from me when he can. There are times where he says sorry for not working and he feels bad that we have no money, but I don't believe that.
Not only are we financially struggling but he doesn't want/act like a father anymore. We have a 2.5 year old and our son is struggling with the fact that his dad is not "here". BH hasn't left our house for more than one night since d-day. *check out other posts to understand the story*
He continually says that he feels like he needs to leave but that he doesn't want to. It's very hard with my work schedule (3p-12a) to find a sitter so I know that's a reason why he doesn't want to leave. I don't know what to expect or if this is something that I should tolerate? I don't know. I really have no support system and his family was mine but now they don't engage with me, within reason. Any advice is appreciated. 
3 comments posted: Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022
WS need advice!!!
WS attempting to reconcile. 4 years together, 6 of affiliation with BS.
Cheated with his Brother(one time thing that happened and we were caught by BS after the interaction) this happened about 3 weeks ago, and attempting to reconcile per BS. In need of advice on my part on navigating the rapidly changing emotions BS has. I know they are to be expected but I'm having a really hard time going through the motions, as is he. One minute he wants to leave and then the next is saying that's the last thing he wants to do. He also is saying thay he wants me to "make this better". I'm trying to be as transparent and honest as possible with him, im answering all of the questions he has even if it's for the 100th time, anything he asks me to do I will. Its hard to shoe remorse becsude he gets upset if i seem upset, im not sure what else to do. I have enrolled myself in IC and have been meeting with a relationship coach to help understand why i did this/let this happen to our relationship. I know how hurt he is from experience, I know the shakes and the nausea that comes with the feelings. I just need any sort of advice on how to navigate this so that we can reconcile approrpiatley. At the end of the day, I just want us to do what's best for us and I really want that to be staying together, but I don't know if he is able to look/move past this. Any tips for showing your transparency in trying to reconcile?
16 comments posted: Saturday, February 12th, 2022
