Note to therapist…. Accepting scraps

Therapist… You asked me today if I felt like getting revenge… and no definitely not. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel this kind of pain. But I didn’t disclose to you that I did step outside my marriage a few months after discovery and had an evening (one night - protected intercourse with someone I’ve known for years ) after husbands affair. Not for revenge but to make myself feel sexy and wanted again. And it did give me that… It did help temporarily but ended up making me feel worse. I have never looked at another man and felt like I wanted something else. But now that this has happened I question why I gave my whole heart to one person and who I gave it to. I question basically every decision I’ve ever made because of this. I question if I have made the right choices in life and love. I question who I am. What I stand for. Who is this person I’ve been sharing my life with??? Who is he really? Maybe I never knew. Maybe it all was some made up romance in my head. Perhaps the romance didn’t exit for years and I just put up with scraps because that’s what you do when you have been married as long as we have? Maybe love does that. It makes you overlook many many things and you don’t even realize you are doing it. You don’t even realize you are getting scraps … Husband was very much into his own life. His job. Obviously his mistress. His sons. I took a backseat to everything … and scary thing is I knew I was and let it happen… i accepted the scraps. What does that say about me?

8 comments posted: Wednesday, April 17th, 2024

Let joy find you..

A reminder for me today to find joy in simple things.. to let it in and find it in simple things.. a reminder that heavy lifting doesn’t have to be all the time… I hope this helps others as it has helped me today…

Joy does not arrive with a fanfare,
on a red carpet strewn with the flowers of a perfect life.

Joy sneaks in, as you pour a cup of coffee,
watching the sun hit your favourite tree, just right.

And you usher joy away,
because you are not ready for it.
Your house is not as it must be,
for such a distinguished guest.

But joy cares nothing for your messy home,
or your bank-balance,
or your waistline, you see.

Joy is supposed to slither through the cracks of your imperfect life,
that’s how joy works.

You cannot invite her, you can only be ready when she appears.

And hug her with meaning,

because in this very moment,

joy chose you.

By: Donna Ashworth

0 comment posted: Tuesday, April 9th, 2024

Movie Ferrari

Anyone else watch this new movie? About a man living a double life??? Major trigger. Sent me to two hour therapy session day after viewing.

5 comments posted: Thursday, February 1st, 2024

Discovery

Found out I’ve been sharing my husband of 20+ years with another woman for over 13 years!!! While I dedicated my life to raising a family and working around my husbands busy work life he was living a double life. He pretended to be a happily married man who had morals and values.. everyone looked up to him including me. I feel like such a fool for believing in something that was obviously not what I thought it was. I feel like I’ve been living with a stranger. I’m not even sure where I belong, why this happened or how this could go on for years and I not see anything. I feel like a real life dr Phil show. Something you read about happening to someone else in disbelief… it doesn’t seem real. We had a very happy life together. Two great kids. Supportive friends and family. I’m just trying to piece myself together and thought reading how others are coping could help.

Met my spouse in college. Considered him my best friend. Stood by each other though many ups and downs … raised two children together. I was primary care giver of our children because his job was so demanding. I revolved my life around my family. I worked in a profession that allowed me to have flexibility of being a parent first. I loved my life. My husband. My family. I feel like I’ve been robbed of my life. I trusted my husband with everything.

He ended the affair but only because it was discovered… I feel like I’m walking in a daze most days.. like I’m having out of body experience… not sure about anything anymore.

61 comments posted: Saturday, May 14th, 2022