I am going crazy
I posted on here maybe 1 or 2 weeks ago about my H cheating again. I was handling it okay, crying a little and mad and upset, I know the only reason that I have been somewhat calm is because I have been taking Delta 8 gummies (over the counter), They have worked so great until Tuesday. I don't know what happened but I went to my counseling session (1 hr. a week to talk is not enough) I started to cry on my way there and have been crying almost constantly since. I am filled with doubt, anger. sadness, loss, hurt. My emotions are off the chart. I can't stop crying and my stomach is sick, I'm not hungry, headaches and swollen eyes from crying. I feel so lost and alone and empty. He cheated before and I wanted to kill myself then and had all of these emotions at once. It hurts so so bad that even though he knew how badly it affected me the last time he still chose to cheat again knowing I would be a mess again. I still love him and want to be with him even though he has cheated at least 4 times that I know of in the 36 years we have been together. He lies and denies all even though I have proof with pics. My daughter (24) and I believe he is a narcissist. He is an unemotional person and I am extremely over emotional. Over the years when I would cry he would just sit there watching tv or go to sleep in bed without hugging me or asking what was wrong and when he would say anything he would say "what are you balling about". I am hurting so bad and feel hopeless and confused. I am not going to hurt myself but I wouldn't mind if a rig would hit me. My heart is so broke now that I can't see a new future without him. Have any of you hurt and felt so extreme and if so how did you deal with it? I honestly feel as if someone very close to me has died. I don't know how I will recover. I don't see any good right now and people keep saying it will get better just give it time. That does not comfort or help me. I went to a hospital last night to have myself admitted into their phyche ward and they would not admit me because I was not suicidal. I am sorry this is so long but I need to talk. Please give me advice.
7 comments posted: Friday, September 2nd, 2022
H is cheating again.
I am married with 2 kids in their 20s.We have been together for 36 years.I am sure that H cheated the 1st summer we were together.He stopped calling me as much and I caught him lies,all of which he denied.I found an earring under his car seat, he said it was his moms(she didn't have pierced ears).I stayed with him because he was the 1st and only person I ever dated and I was so in love.A wife of one of his friends also told me that she saw in in the local mall with a woman pretty close, he said he was at work and she is a liar.(Deny again).Then about 13 years ago he had another affair that from what I can gather was 2 and a half years long.I caught him at her house and found messages on his social media. He would go places and not return for hours and make up lies for every time. He always had an excuse then when I would confront him he would say I am mental and crazy and Paranoid. Then he would accuse me of cheating. My sister and nephew ran into him with the other woman, he said they are liars trying to cause trouble. I still wanted to be with him,I loved him. WHY? While he was cheating with that woman, my daughter and I were shopping and came home to find him and another woman sitting at our kitchen table, when I asked who she was he plainly said she was his date. Then my daughter caught another woman sitting on his lap with her arms around him in our shop(home business), he told our daughter to go back down to the house and go to bed. When I confronted him he said she is lying. I guess everybody lies about him.I still stayed.Then as all of this is going on he started to text and call a woman that he used to be friends with and he liked her. I truly believe things happened with them (he denied this too). I filed for a divorce he was served papers and stopped cheating so I stayed still again.I noticed he was trying to lose weight about 3 months ago then he would say he was going somewhere and be gone for 4 or 5 hrs.always had a lame excuse.My daughter and I went on a vacation 3 weeks ago and we hid a couple video cams in house and caught him bringing a woman in our house, they both went into bathroom then they were in different clothes and her hair was down.I showed him the photos when we got home,he had the nerve to deny it to me and daughter. He has changed over time,becoming more cold and uncaring.He has never been an emotional person, but over the 36 years it has gotten very bad.I honestly don't know the last time he said I love you. He might kiss(a real kiss) once or twice in a year,doesn't hold hands or hug me.We are basicly roommates who have sex sometimes. I am a lonely wife of a cheater.I have an appt.with a lawyer on Wed. I want out this time. Today I went to a flea mkt. with him.he didn't bring his phone (which is glued to his side).Daughter was home and he got a text while daughter was standing there so she snapped a pic of the text from a woman,asking if he slept well and she is getting started with her day and I love you with kiss lips and hearts.When she sent me the pic I flipped on him and of course he denied it even with the proof.He is so sick and then he yelled at our daughter and blamed her for causing trouble.Our son doen't like his dad because he showed me evidence of the one affair and showed me where OW live (yes, he was taking our 2 kids 8 and 12 at the time to OW's house).He has played games with us 3 for so long, blaming us, punishing kids,getting us into debt for way too long. I have had enough. I wish it didn't take this long to wise up. I am sorry this is so long, I just want other women in here to see the signs and to know that most of the cheaters will not quit.It is a way of life for them.
9 comments posted: Sunday, August 28th, 2022
