He’s just not that in to you

Has anyone seen the film ‘He’s Just Not That In To You?’ Or read the book. It’s been years since I’ve watched it but I remember the basis.

I’ve looked on his Instagram and all his for you page is pretty blonde girls with white skin and big boobs, just like his affair partner. I’m annoyed and I’m hurt, I’m dark skinned flat chested brunette and I’m just so so sick of never feeling enough. It’s triggering massive feelings from when I was at school looking so different to the other girls and being told by boys that they were attractive and I wasn’t. Why did he marry me if I’m not even his type? On holiday I had so many compliments when I was dressed up for an evening and didn’t even get one from him. It’s making me think he’s just not that in to me which is fine, but why ask for me back? I just don’t understand to be honest and I’m so hurt and I’m so so so drained from feeling this way. It’s exhausting

5 comments posted: Thursday, August 15th, 2024

Can you move on if you can’t forgive?

Hi all,

I found out about my husband’s affair 2 years ago next month, I was 4 months pregnant at the time. Not many people knew I was pregnant as we hadn’t wanted children and he hadn’t wanted me to tell people even though his affair partner knew (before my parents) and he had been pushing me to have an abortion. Being in my mid 30s I had decided I was keeping the baby and thought that I’d be raising it alone anyway so my mindset was that we were splitting up anyway. According to him the affair had ended exactly a year before, with a few slip ups in the meantime 🙄

Fast forward two years and he is the most amazing dad to our little girl and a great partner to me. We have so much fun together- we always did which is why I was so confused as to why he was telling another woman he loved her and being mean to he as an excuse to go out and have sex with her. Obviously had my suspicions- he wouldn’t come home at all some nights and would blow hot and cold with me. But he’s not like that now, he’s so attentive other than the normal marriage bickers about who takes the bins out etc.

My issue is that even when things are good I’m still thinking about what he’s done. We could be having the best sex and I’m thinking about him having sex with her. We could be laughing at a tv show and I’m thinking about the tv shows he’s watched with her. It doesn’t help that she’s an absolute fantasist who has been spreading lies around town about me, I’m a mother now and I’m trying to keep the remaining bit of dignity I have and not publicise the real truth about her. So I’m just putting up with her telling lies about me. I’ve come to realise as much as I love him (I do genuinely think we are made for each other we really just get each other- heartbroken he doesn’t feel the same way to be sneaking around) I just can’t forgive him. He had sex with her in my car. He let me find out by her taking me to her house on the hottest day of the year to tell me and not answering his phone to me, I was pregnant with his child why couldn’t he just tell me? He would leave me at home crying on our bedroom floor to go out and meet her. He stayed at hers while I was pregnant! (He said nothing happened but who knows, I’m choosing to believe him as it’s better for my mental health). He betrayed me and lied about our relationship- it was great til he started being sly. He told her it wasn’t. According to her he talked about my body and my looks and my personality, again I’m unsure as she’s a fantasist and a lot of things she said about me weren’t true. I had the police outside my house for days on end cos she was threatening to have me beaten up while I was pregnant. He could’ve stopped this by telling me himself. He gave me HPV and I constantly had thrush even though he knew I was allergic to thrush medication (ironic!) he slept with her knowing his friend had and had caught chlymidia from her.

So my question is can you ever move on from this? I’m still so hurt and so angry! Her pictures keep popping up on my social media or she drives past my house and I think about all the times he said she was so pretty or he loved her legs and I feel so insecure about my appearance and my personality it physically hurts my heart. Part of me thinks I should go get revenge so he knows how it feels but I couldn’t bring myself to do it then that hurts even more cos he was quite happy to do it regardless of me and my feelings. But we are such a happy family unit and our little girl adores him, how can I tear that up?! Will I ever feel better? I think he thinks I should’ve just moved on by now because he is like a different person but he’s not a different person it was still him that did all these horrible things to me.

Thanks.

10 comments posted: Tuesday, June 13th, 2023