Need your input

Hello all.

Been married for over 21 year but know my wife for over 30 years (she was 16, I was 18). Have 1 kid. I'm in the financial services industry and she's in the education sector. We have a house in a very nice area and have no money issues. We're immigrants (most of our family is still back in the old country) and also have a house overseas that we travel to every summer (she usually spends 6 weeks there with my kid and I join them there for 3 weeks).

Relationship-wise, we have not had any major hiccups and never suspected she was cheating or anything but... in the past few years, being a lot older and wiser, I started noticing red flags. For example, two years after she had our son, we decided to procreate again and... this time around, as soon as she got off the pill, she got pregnant immediately with triplets! We went to her doctor to get her checked out and he expressed to me how uncommon this was, to me personally. I did not think anything of it but now I think that was his way of saying "you better DNA your kids!" She had a reduction to one viable embryo, which she also ended up losing too. The loss put her in a depressive state for which she sought no help for at all.

Our sex life went from 1 time per week to 1 time per month and there were years when we were barely doing it. I tried to empathize with her so I did not make a stink of the sexless marriage for 7 years! Then, right before COVID, I started noticing odd behavior. She would be at work extra early and leave a little late every day. She would leave for work happy and come home to complain about the smallest thing. To me, it looked like she was happiest at work and I used to tell her that, which would bring on more nagging and complaining. We would stop talking to each other for days on end. Then she got invited to a wedding... coworker's son... I decided to go with her to see what was up. Probably one of the worst nights of my life. This is when I found out that my wife had created a parallel emotional support network at work and I wasn't invited. To this day, I do not know if that network included an affair partner but it all sounds like it did. The happy coworker/sad wife behavior continued for a while but it has since subsided and now makes it a point to decompress before she gets home.

I have more red flags, although none are smoking guns. Like I found out she was going out for coffee, while at work and while on vacation, with this man that was 6 years older than her. Or that she takes off her wedding ring often. Or that she'll tell me that she's going to pool party with a bunch of female coworkers and I come to find out that the husband or the son showed up to the party with a bunch of friends, etc. Now she's about to go back to the old country with my son and... I have a feeling she's way too comfortable being husbandless. Almost like she enjoys not having me there.

To make a long story short, I have had enough. I am literally contemplating divorce because she no longer seems happy in the marriage. I don't want to start snooping on her and, sadly, don't care to find out. I've tried MC with her but she seems to not get anything out of it. Primarily because she does have narcissistic tendencies.

To make a long story short, I am on the fence about divorce but do want to find out what it would look like if I decided to go that route. Are there any potential pitfalls I should be looking out for? Any advice or recommendations?

Thank you for your time.

6 comments posted: Sunday, June 18th, 2023

Really irritated by OM’s visit to see my wife (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Monday, August 22nd, 2022