Just a kiss... or 2?

Hello, new here but the site has been very helpful through a tough couple days. Thank you!

My story. Together for 8 years, married for 9. Both 38 years old, 1 7 year old child and 1 13 year old step daughter from her previous marriage.

Before Saturday morning I would have told you im in an amazing relationship with my soul mate who I trust 110%. A little background, her previous marriage ended because of her ex's affair with their neighbor right after they had a baby. She immediately ended it, moved out, and got a divorce. She had made it clear since the day we met she has a zero tolerance policy on cheating and dishonesty. I thought we were on the same page there.

She also was diagnosed with MS a couple years ago. This is of course a big part of our relationship, and often makes her feel like she's not pulling her weight when it comes to the kids, housework, sex, etc. I've supported her 100% every step of the way and thankfully to this point the symptoms are mostly extreme fatigue. It wreaks havoc on her emotions though.

We've recently had some projects done on the house. She works at home and I don't, so typically I would be there for the quote phase then when the work is being done I'd be at work and she'd be at home. A few weeks ago the sales guy for our latest project came out, seemed like a nice enough, unremarkable guy. I knew he was stopping by once in a while to check on the progress, but didn't give it a second thought.

Saturday literally seconds after i wake up, my wife (who clearly had not slept a wink and was hysterical) tells me we need to talk. She hands me a note that says last week, the sales guy kissed her and she kissed him back. Then on Friday (day before dday) he came by again, and it happened again, and this time escalated to some wandering hands along with a longer kiss. How long, and where the hands were im not sure if i want to know. She insists she came to her senses before it got sexual, made him leave, and will never speak to him again. She told me the next morning.

I was completely blindsided. My first instinct of course is not to believe she's telling me the whole story. She's a terrible liar so i want to believe her, but i also wouldn't have thought she was capable of even this level of deceit. She has been begging for forgiveness since and seems beyone remorseful. She claims it's not about us or our relationship, but her disease which makes her feel inadequate. Working at home and not being someone who socializes or even really has friends, the attention she got from this guy and the friendship followed by mutual attraction they formed was something new to her and made her forget about her sickness for a short time. Or so she says.

I am struggling.
If she feels so bad why did she not only neglect to tell me the first time, but sneak around to arrange a second? She insists she didn't think it would happen again, but I've called bullshit on that. She made sure to pick a day for him to "pick up the check" when she knew she'd be home alone, and she willingly decided to give it in person instead of mailing it. She wanted more.

I cant stop wondering what else i have missed, and if i really know her at all. I think i do, and i think she's being honest but there are so many questions and doubts.

Any input is appreciated.

301 comments posted: Tuesday, September 20th, 2022