Reconciliation, Divorce, and This Site

I noticed a lot of people here who have had more than one d day or their spouses had year long affairs with trickle truths, reconciling. But some of those people are also the first ones to recommend to others to leave as soon as possible.

Is there a reason for this?

I try to use this site for information and possible hope but it just makes me feel like no cheater can become a safe partner ever again. It makes me feel a lot worse about my situation.

It seems reconciliation is impossible according to 99% of the users here.

56 comments posted: Monday, August 14th, 2023

Beyond Betrayal: 28 years Lies-Deceit-Infidelity

I just finished reading this. Not sure how I feel about it. It seems the wife put up with a lot, and if she posted here I would imagine many would have told her reconciliation was impossible.

Anyone else read this?

0 comment posted: Wednesday, August 9th, 2023

Lysa TerKeurst

Has anyone read any of her books? I know they are Christian based but focus on forgiveness and healing.

1 comment posted: Wednesday, November 16th, 2022

Not the first choice

How do you reconcile if you always feel like you weren't the first choice? I am a very factual person and the fact that my WH and even my exWH did not put me first, I wasn't their first choice or top choice, I am struggling to get past it.

In my mind if I was they wouldn't have done what they both did. And I guess since it's my second marriage struggling again with lies and betrayals, I have many days I think it must be me.

But then I know my ex wanted me back for years, still does and this goes for any ex of mine. They always want me back.

So why was I not the first choice when they had me, only after they lose me?

I want to reconcile and move forward and my current WH is doing everything right, but I'm struggling with my self worth.

It hurts to know I will never be anyone's first choice.

15 comments posted: Wednesday, October 12th, 2022

Internet and other stuff

I just found out before we moved in together my now husband was paying for phone sex and cam girls.

We have been together for 2 years and we just got married, we moved very fast we are in late 30s both previously married. He said he used porn often in past because he has erectile dysfunction and hardly ejaculates so felt less shame with phone sex or cam girls than hook ups.

I found out he also had a few personal massages and hand jobs from prostitutes prior to meeting me, years before meeting me. I asked about this many times and he always denied it.

I know by checking his bank the last time he paid for phone sex or cam girls was before we moved in together over a year ago.

The phone sex and cam girls happened within 6 months of our relationship and after that stopped.

The last thing he has done is watch a free porn video last summer according to him

I don't know what to do or think. Most of his past was before me and some of his entertainment happened in beginning of our relationship. I have no proof anything has happened since we moved in together.

Should I try to let him gain my trust again, or is it always going to be a liar that can't be trusted? This is my second marriage and my first husband cheated on me but was also abusive. My husband now is the best partner I have ever had except for lying about his past.

I'm so confused. Any insights?

29 comments posted: Sunday, September 11th, 2022