Me-BS45 WH-50 4 children 9-15yrs 5mth EA and PA ended Dec 21 DDay 7th Jan 22

Trying to own my sh#*

I am not sure I am going to be able to articulate the confusion going on in my head. I will try though.
It is 17mths since DDay. My WH and I are working at reconciliation. He is putting the work in. It hurts me though that I have had to prompt him on this at times. I know that the affair is all on him. My focus is healing from it and addressing my role in how our marriage got to where it got. I can identify that I was withdrawing from our relationship in the past. I was avoiding communication and interaction a lot of the time. I believe this was to avoid confrontation and hurt. The problem I am having is that for me to work on being a better partner I need to stop withdrawing BUT at the same time, for me to heal from the affair I often need to be able withdraw. I am more of an introvert and I find time alone is settling. How can I heal from the affair at the same time as work on the marriage?
For context - WH has often been away from the family for work. The affair happened while he was working overseas for 12mths. He is currently living in another state for work. I am at home caring for our 4 children and working full time. If I am honest, I think I resent having to reach out to him to meet his needs from a partner when I only have a tiny bit of time that I would love to spend quietly by myself recharging.
I apologise if none of this makes sense! Please just ignore if that is the case!!!

4 comments posted: Wednesday, June 14th, 2023