RockHound - Looking for my sanity.

My wife had two affairs lasting 9 months...I feel dead.

We have been married for 12 years and together 24. I am an extremely busy business owner with very little help. If I'm not sleeping, I'm working. My wife has always been by my side and very supportive in everything I do. Three years ago I became somewhat of a mini celebrity in a realm I will not disclose. She expressed to me that I was spending too much time in my endeavors and not giving her enough attention. As much as I've tried, I just could not break my compulsions to better our lives.
Now fast forward to last week. She just finished a bachelor's degree and went out of town for 12 days visiting with family and friends. On her way back home I was doing yard work and wanted to make sure I was cleaned up and ready when she came home so, I set up an Onstar alert to let me know when she was about 30 minutes away. When the app alerted me I clicked the link and it showed her parked at an unfamiliar location for about 20 minutes. When she got home she lied about where she was. I did not confront her at this time. Early the next morning before she woke up I logged into our phone provider account and started to review text and voice logs. This is where my life completely came to an end. While she was gone she was having phone conversations with this new person that totaled over 24 hours while she was out of town. Hundreds of text messages and photos were also exchanged. This had been going on for the past 3 months. During this investigation is when I found out about the first OP which had been going on almost every day for 9 months! I still waited to confront her.
Later that evening I saw her on her laptop checking medical insurance stuff and asked her what she was doing. She said she was making sure that our coverage included mental health therapy. When I asked why she said, 'she was not feeling well and doing things out of character that were concerning her'. That's when I decided to let her know that I knew. I responded with, "Like meeting other people in the park on your way home and talking to them on the phone for hours at a time?". She hung her head in shame and admitted to the latest "new person". She swears up and down that nothing physical ever happened. During our talk I was so furious that I fell out and had a possible mini seizure. When I came to she was freaking out and started sobbing and professed her sorrow. Later that night after I was stable I asked her who else she was talking to. She lied and said there was no one else. After I pressed her she finally admitted to the first OP which had been going on for 9 months. She said she didnt want to tell me about the first OP because she was afraid I would seize again. She still swears that nothing physical ever happened between any of them. But then again, don't all cheaters say that? She said that "in her own F'd up logic" that she knew that our relationship was strong enough to over come this "teenage crush/sexting fantasy" and that's why she never let it go any further. The following morning she sent messages to both OP and told them that she was busted and that it was over. She blocked their numbers and deleted their contacts which in turn deleted the message threads. Regardless, I feel so dead inside.
I want to believe her but my mind is in such disarray. Her wanting to seek help and counseling before I confronted her seems like a good sign but she wants me to quickly get over it and act like nothing happened. She also would not allow me to see the messages that were exchanged before they were deleted. These two factors are very concerning me.
I cant help but wonder if she would have ever ended these relationships if I would not have caught her. It's only been a week and she seems irritated that I wont get over it. I've been having extremely terrifying nightmares that wont go away.
I am so sick. I literally vomited for the first two days. My emotions are a pile of rubble. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I need help.
Thanks for listening...

57 comments posted: Thursday, September 29th, 2022