Who did I marry?!

There is so much I don’t even know where to start. I BW(43) just found out that my WH(44) has cheated on me again. Not my first rodeo. I’ve been lurking on this site for a while. Even last time it happened but never had the courage to post here. I am not used to asking for help so I deal with it on my own. But I feel like this time it’s just too much. A little background. Married for 17 years, together 21 years ,2 kids (13) and (17). Last Sunday I saw that his location was showing him at a local restaurant not far from our house. It was weird because he always tells me when he goes to lunch. So I called him and he acted weird.I knew he was hiding something. Later that evening we were talking about something when he received a phone call and ignored it. I asked who it was and he said he didn’t know. Then I looked and saw that he had 10 messages and asked for his phone and his hands started to shake. He begged me not to look at them. I did and it was from a woman he used to talk to years ago on Facebook. She was passing through our town and they met for lunch and they kissed. He was apologizing and saying he made a mistake and that it was stupid. I was at first in shock because he usually doesn’t do the in person. It’s always messaging women, asking for pictures, talking dirty. I know that’s bad but to my knowledge it was just that. But little did I know that that was only the snowball that would start an avalanche. I asked to see his Facebook and didn’t find nothing bad about the woman he met up with but found another woman he was talking too. She doesn’t live far from here. They used to work together. Apparently they had something going on then. He says it was only a bj but I don’t believe it. There were pictures and video chats and plans to meet up. Not clear if they did or did not. I asked to see his Snapchat and he looked like he was going to lose it. He wouldn’t let me hold his phone and honestly I don’t use Snapchat so I don’t really know my way around it. So I did not get to see anything. The next day I told him to synch his phone to my iPad so I can see his messages and wow. I found messages that he did not want me to see. They were from two of his coworkers and both clearly state that he is having inappropriate relationships with them. He says nothing happened and it was just inappropriate talking but that’s not the fact. I can read and understand the words. As of right now he is not admitting to anything but I know he is lying. I’m just so confused right now. I don’t know what to feel. I can’t even cry. I think I’m in shock. This is a whole new thing and I don’t know how to deal. This turned out longer than I thought.

26 comments posted: Monday, October 3rd, 2022