relapsing

Hi folks, I use to be a member here like over 15 yrs ago and have been recently struggling with something that is old news and would like your 2 cents. I dated my wife for 6 yrs in the 80's prior to getting married then after 5 yrs of marriage I come home from work and she is crying saying she thinks she wants a divorce; I asked her if there was someone else and she admits to kissing another man on two occasions. Of course I am assuming she had sex with him but she sticks to her guns and denies it. It was a coworkers brother who was visiting from California, He is had left for home long before my wife told me. Well anyway fast forward 5 years we managed to stay together and have 2 kids and one night I actually had a bad dream of her having sex with this guy and I woke up pissed off and questioned her and asked her to take a lie detector test and I also told her I was going to ask not just about him but if she was faithful during our whole life together. Well she broke down and holy shit what she told me. She admitted to having sex with 6 different ONS during the 6 yrs of dating, She explained that it was always during a short fight/breakup. I practically needed to be hospitalized, she rewrote my beautiful past and made it a nightmare. My version of reality was not reality. A girl I loved and allegedly loved me was basically a huge slut. Now keep in mind When she admitted all this it was 12 to 18 yrs in the past during dating in her early 20's and we were married for 10 yrs with 2 kids so I tried like hell to understand her low self-esteem etc. After 2 or 3 years I seem to have put it all behind me and for some strange reason now 23 years later after 30 plus years of marriage it is kicking my ass once again, depressed, in shock like she told me yesterday. At this point I think it is closest to PTSD and its my problem to deal with not hers but sometimes I cant help but bring it up and make her feel like shit. So basically am I nuts? She passed the lie detector for the guy she kissed durring marriage which after what she disclosed I still dont buy it but this is ancient news that I am letting destroy me.

102 comments posted: Saturday, October 29th, 2022