Feeling betrayed don’t know what to do

Hi. I never thought I would have to be here. I will not go into too much detail but I don’t know where else to turn to get this all out. I have a long term partner and things have been strained for the past couple years. They had a mental incident a few years ago but I am guessing for them, things were worse before that. I asked them to get therapy and they did for one session and said they had enough. We have slowly been spending less time together as I have other responsibilities and he is not interested in joining me or help with any of it.

A couple months ago, I asked if they were meeting up with other people, with no proof. They said no so I believed them. Since then I have found proof they were seeing someone for over a year. I’m pretty sure it is over since I confronted them but I recently found condoms and we do not use condoms ever. I don’t know how long they’ve had them either or if they were seeing people on top of the other person I know about. I have suspicions they are talking to other people, probably multiple, but I don’t know how to proceed with confronting them again. Their phone is always on do not disturb when we are in the car together, and social media is blocked. I am having trouble believing anything they say when they leave the house or even just be in another room in the house.

We have been in counseling since the first talk. They are also finally seeing a therapist themselves. They said they want to work on it, but they do not initiate anything. They never text first, but we do live together so there isn’t a lot of texting going on. Not a lot of intimacy either but that’s been an issue for a while. We do dates nights but they feel uncomfortable and forced sometimes.

I guess I want to understand what makes people think it’s a better idea to seek out other people instead of talking about their problems with their partner. I feel that I was always asking how they were wanting to listen but maybe I wasn’t listening right.

I am totally heart broken as this was the person I thought was my forever love. I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t want them to go but I don’t want to be the fall back person. I want to ask them to stay somewhere else for now, but I also don’t want that at the same time.

Thanks for listening!

10 comments posted: Tuesday, November 1st, 2022