Hi, new here

Are there others who’ve had online/emotional affairs with no physical sexual contact? I never met my AP IRL. We were online friends whose communication frequency went from occasional to daily to multiple times a day. Though some times we’d go days without communicating. There were no set times or expectations. There were times we exchanged nudes, as a way of fishing for compliments and validation. There were also some other messages that were definitely over the line. Again, we never met. We never had plans to meet.

It ended when my AP’s spouse discovered we were regularly communicating but "nothing bad." Which I assume means none of the more inappropriate things. But my AP was directed to block me from all social media and did so.

While it was ongoing I was in denial as to the appropriateness of our "friendship." My spouse knew I was friends with the AP but did not know the content of all messages. But now that it’s over, and I am dealing with the emotional pain of it being over, I realize it was more than a friendship. I also realize given that it was exclusively online (we never even texted each other) it was most likely all fantasy and mostly made up in my head.

Clearly that fantasy appealed to me. I was able to use it to avoid the problems in my marriage. I was able to use it to shore up my need for validation and attention. And clearly that was not healthy.

So my path forward seems two-fold. First I need to get over the A. Put it behind me. And second, I need to engage more in my marriage and work through the problems.

I don’t know what I am looking for. Advice? Someone to yell at me? Someone to tell me I’m a terrible person? I don’t know. But it was good to get that all off my chest. Thank you for reading.

4 comments posted: Wednesday, November 2nd, 2022