Insane Situation- Need Help Please

This is by no means something I just found out. But I was uncertain where to post this. Sorry for the length of the post.

I’ve been married for a year and a half. And it’s been a total nightmare. My husband after two months of marriage decided to contact countless women online who were way too young for him, so he could have an affair.

He was going out every night as well. He lied about both actions for over a month. This was also at the start of my pregnancy. I took off for awhile, slept in my car trying to figure out what to do and secretly hoped my absence was going to get him to change.

When I returned, I went through his phone and gathered evidence he had been going out every night on his GPS. He eventually admitted while drunk he had been lying and all those women were attempted sexual conquests.

He said that he wanted to be "married to two women", and wanted to be in an open relationship. At this point, I was one months pregnant. So this was pretty inappropriate behavior. He later on would admit that he was looking for other girls because he wanted to leave me. Not realizing I was hormonal and pregnant.

That same month, I was diagnosed with an STD. This was the point where the lies started getting out of hand. It was the point where I started discovering the cold hard truth. I went on a quest. Looking through his phone, I found a message to a couple women that appeared to be on their way to his house when I was not home around 11 PM, calling him "babe". He denied this again and said someone else used his phone. Obviously I didn’t buy it.

The more my pregnancy progressed, the worse things got. He became more controlling and objectifying of me. And he turned physically abusive. At one point he assaulted me in the stomach. I didn’t do anything legally because I was afraid he would turn it around on me.

The manipulation also got worse. I was coming home finding my bed moved everyday. I also found hair that was not mine all over my bed, false eyelashes in the bed, feminine products that weren’t mine in the bathroom, evidence stuff was getting moved around. Still, he denied and gaslighted me an affair was happening.

His behavior was getting weirder and withdrawn. I knew without a doubt he was cheating. He was weird with his phone. People were making comments he knew. But he maintained the manipulation and lies. This has continued for nearly a year. He has said while drunk he would never stop seeing her, that he would never stop cheating- then denied it.

I see evidence he enjoys messing with me like this. And the girl I believe is his mistress has been going into my job, plus other stalking and harassment behaviors. But because I can’t say without a doubt who she is, it makes doing anything about that impossible legally. I also have reason to believe he somehow has the ability to track my movements and has been having others help isolate me for years.

I have started my journey of looking into legal sanctions to place on him to prevent some of this behavior. But I feel really powerless. And the situation is a nightmare. I can’t put into words how much his daily betrayal has hurt me. The manipulation tactics he’s using are evil. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion it was even really going on. Now I’m certain.

He has also made extreme attempts to silence me about his affair. He manipulates people around me that he isn’t doing it, and has tried to withhold sex to shut me up as well as hit me. There’s speculation by therapists he has a personality disorder. I believe that’s highly likely.

Why I posted is- I’m looking for advice from everyone. I really don’t have anyone I know who understands this and can help me. That’s why I’ve stayed so long. I’m totally alone.

What can I do legally in this situation? What I might be able to do emotionally to cope? How I should leave effectively when I lack finances. Etc? And yes, I know I need to leave. I just can’t yet.

I’m also just hoping for support. It’s been such a hard thing to go through. Sometimes I just want encouragement from people who have been through this you can move on and things do get better.

41 comments posted: Thursday, November 17th, 2022