Some days are diamonds, some days are stones.... lately more stones than diamonds.

WW asking help from BS

As a WW I feel like I do not deserve to ask help/questions etc.
But here I go anyway.
I am one of those, that come and go. Due to time restriction and emotional issues - or whatever.

Anyway, as per my other posts - you will see it is going on for 13 ears. My BS just doesn't cope. I do not know what more to do. If I agree and tell him I was wrong I did wrong and I am sorry etc. Then he says I am having a pity party or Sorry doesn't fix anything.

If I suggest we get a divorce as I will be happy without having a whore as a wife, then he says I want to run away and not face the consequences.

Yes I was at fault - in summary
On D.day I resigned with immediate effect. (as it was a co-worker)
I had no contact with AP at all in all this time
I answered BS questions (this caused more issues as in my mind I told him the worst (that I had sex with AP) I confirmed the when where how etc.
more than 10 years later (after visiting the forum) I gave him the full timeline - now he doesn't believe me - this I get and understand.

BS is expecting something from me - and I do not know what. He tells me I do not do anything. The admit quilt, the empathy, and sympathy (all the to do as per the healing library) are not working - When I ask him what he expects of me, then he can not answer. (as he doesn't know himself)

It just feels like he expects me to erase the past - if that was possible.
Any advise please

69 comments posted: Saturday, March 16th, 2024

Question to BS re intimacy....?

How (if ever) do you get over "mind movies"?
How if ever do you make love to your WS?
How if ever do you kiss, hug or just touch, your WS again......
It's been 14 years and BH still struggling with above.
He keeps on saying it will never be special again 😭

28 comments posted: Friday, January 12th, 2024

anybody on this forum that have successfully reconciled for more than 15 or 20 years?

just want to know.....

21 comments posted: Friday, March 10th, 2023

I have "blood on my hands"

Adulterers are scum of the earth. We are damaged, used goods, not good enough for anything.

In 12 years EVERYTHING that goes wrong IS MY FAULT BECAUSE I CHEATED.

If we are stuck in traffic - my fault. If we are late - my fault. If the dog pee - my fault. Flat tyre - wrinkles - cholesterol - yes it is all my fault.

We lost our rights as human beings because at some point in our life we made the wrong choice/s.

I am not making any excuses but fuck can I just get a break and feel like anything other than shit. But no, I am not allowed to because of what I did and now I am being selfish again. Because I do not know how my BS feels, ALL THE TIME. I am also not allowed to "get a break"

I have "blood on my hands" that will never wash off.......

22 comments posted: Friday, December 23rd, 2022

Reconciliation: what does it actually mean

I googled the meaning of Reconciliation but would like the members on the forum to explain to me what this means, in practicality.

Myself and BS talked and I am reading to him all these books and posts and and and and he asked me this question after I once again said, maybe this will help. He asked me help with what? What do I expect to achieve?

I am reading and everybody say basically life as you know it will never be the same. You will never had what you had before (On this BH say that when I had it, I did not want it and throu it away and he will never give it back) So what is the purpose to reconcile for the BS?

Myself as WW understand why and what I want back what I had and struggle knowung I will never have it back.

11 comments posted: Tuesday, December 13th, 2022

12 Years after D day .....

I wish I discovered this forum YEARS ago. Maybe I would have had answers by now.

12 years after D-day, still feel like everything came out only yesterday.

BS lives in a constant "hurt, hate, and angry" state of mind. Anything and everything "triggers" those emotions. He does keep on asking why life is so unfair. Why do we have to go through all this shit, hurt, anger, etc., and the AP (he was not married or in a relationship at the time, we were co-workers. I resigned immediately after D-Day and never saw AP again) but this resulted in us going through some financial difficulties. BS feels like (his words: Prince charming who got what he wanted, driving off on his horse with all the "bragging rights' ' – never to face anything. Currently AP is married and from what we could gather and live "the live" aboard, while we are still stuck. BS "believe" if he can just hurt him as much as he was hurt, that he must also experience how it is to suffer, to lose everything that matters – EVERY WAKING MOMENT.

He has days that he just gets lost in his head where he continues "fantasizing" about justice. Not a nice picture, blood, and guts - The more horrific, crueler the better.

Does anybody relate to this? Will it ever go away?

69 comments posted: Saturday, December 10th, 2022