Here we go again...
Just trying to see if anyone else feels like they have a sign on their forehead saying "CHEAT ON ME"...
My story starts with my 4 year marriage. We were high school sweethearts and together for 6 years before we got married. Things were good, not great, we argued and I stopped feeling safe with him. He had to move to a different country for work for a couple of months and I was working on my career so I decided to stay and he went. That was where his first affair happened. I caught him on social media w a girl, he denied everything and said it was just a friend for when he got lonely. Not physical cheating but it still hurt me badly. We decided to work through it and I forgave him and we moved on. I was always a little more guarded after that happened though. Fast forward a couple years, I find him again on social media with a different girl. Again said it was a friend that he met on a boys trip, not physical cheating. It really didn't sit well with me so I ended up going through his phone and found plenty of evidence that physical cheating was happening along with emotional. Plus he even talked to her about his original affair so that was confirmed physical also. I left him and it was a very dark period for me but friends and family helped me through it.
Fast forward 9 months I meet a new guy. He's very attentive, reassuring, loving, fun, all things lacking in my marriage that made me forget all about my ex to be honest. He met some of my friends, I was still too nervous to introduce to family but we were staying together multiple times a week and talking daily. Getting very close, he knew all about my ex and what he did to me. 5 months in he starts acting different one weekend when I'm out of town. When we get together when I'm back he ends it with me because he says im too distant due to my past. Made no sense to me and I told him I wanted to work on it with him and he said no he wanted to be alone. He mentioned meeting with a friend that helped him see that. I asked if this was a friend he wanted to be more than friends with and he said no he truly wanted to be alone. So I respected that and was sad but I understand, things change and relationships end.
But then I started thinking about how this behavior was so similar to my ex. So I did some snooping and found out he actually went and slept with that friend while I was out of town. And he was making love playlists for her with songs he sent me and songs I sent him. That one really hurt my heart because music means a lot to me and he knew that.
I guess I just feel like there's something about me that is making people do this to me. I try to be understanding but I was so clear that I needed honesty from a partner more than anything else but was still disrespected. I crave an intimate connection with someone but I just want some tips on how to not get cheated on again. I know I don't deserve this and i don't want to ever go through this again. But I also don't want to be so shut off from people that I end up alone. I like being alone, I wouldn't mind it, but I also would like to have someone by my side for genuine company and companionship. Any advice is welcome... thank you so much for reading. I hope you are finding peace in your life.
15 comments posted: Thursday, December 8th, 2022
