Any ideas how to move through this phase?

In the initial days/weeks my response was intense emotional pain and crying. I’ve done all the right things. Maintaining NC, doing things w friends and family, new hobbies blah blah blah. I miss him. I miss him so badly I cant stand it and Im really trying. Sat we had a great time with friends on a day trip to an amusement park. while I was there I even thought about how I would and could have never done this while we were together (super possessive, jealous) and then came home that night and missed him. Thought about how much I miss him. I ache for him. I hope for some miracle that he will snap and change and become faithful and honest. I know it wont happen. I get that. I cant reconcile that though. It’s killing me. I wonder if ill ever be happy.

5 comments posted: Monday, March 20th, 2023

This is really it. Word Vomit My Feelings. Join me in my Sadness!

I need to just get this out. I'm hoping someone can relate or can share a story of the "happily ever after" after divorce.

We haven't spoken in over 60 days. We have no kids, no property, nothing to argue over. I am taking what I owned, he is taking what he owned and money isn't a factor in any of this we both do fine for ourselves.

I've dealt with this compulsive cheater and the love of my life for 6 long years. The last 2 married. I married him long after the first Dday. Long after the second. I should have known better. I knew it was foolish and I knew in my gut that it was wrong on some level. But, I can honestly say, at the time we married our relationship felt perfect. There had been no cheating (that I suspected or knew of for a few years and I figured that was a part of our history and that we were moving forward and both happy...in hindsight I'm positive there was at least communication with OW and at least 1 other) He cheated with me with the same woman over and over... but also others mixed in there. I'm humiliated. Broken. But also proud with how I've done this. Once I caught him cheating, I went NC. No big drawn out confrontation, nothing. Didn't even block him just never answered his calls or responded to his texts. Literally, everything has been done through attorney's and we will most likely be legally divorced before 2024.

Time is supposed to heal everything. And I know that leaving him for good is the right thing. I know that I can never communicate with him ever again. The things this man has done to me the past 6 years make me feel ashamed and embarrassed of how much I "love" him. I'm coming to terms that I was in love with who I wanted him to be and not the real person in front of me. This is #2 for me. My children are growing much closer to grown. I am only 40 so I just feel too young to "settle" for a cheater. I was also a former habitual cheater and liar myself. Through the last 4 years and INTENSIVE therapy and self work I can honestly say I would never cause someone that kind of pain again. I'm healthy. Healed. Able to be alone even if that means forever, rather than settle for less than I deserve. I just hope that I find love again. I am nowhere near ready to even think of dating. I just hope this isn't it for me. I was devastated by my first divorce until I met my current stbx. For 2 years after divorce I cried almost every day. I don't cry every day but I do feel empty. It physically feels as if there is a hole in my chest that I can feel in my throat. Share with me SI community. Tell me your tales of woe so I know I'm not alone.

3 comments posted: Friday, March 3rd, 2023

This is fun to try and I highly recommend

Guys Ive been NC for 19 days and tonight that no good cheating MF called me at 9pm, just last night he was shacked up with ow. Now Youre calling me Friday night at 9pm. Here is the fun part you guys, you want to know what I did. Nothing. Not a F****** thing. Ignored.

Nothing feels better than treating them as if they dont exist.

8 comments posted: Saturday, January 7th, 2023

I had a great day and now this.

His house is on the way home from my kids school. She was there. How does he get to just move on with someone else and I'm online posting on infidelity forums.

I know I'm doing the right thing leaving, but my God. The pain is sometimes unbearable. I miss him so much and still fantasize about him coming back begging. My head knows that he's a bad choice but my heart misses the person that I love. I have loved this man more than anyone else in my entire life. I could not tell you where I began and he ended. I think back on our last day and I cannot remember the last time we kissed and it fucking kills me. I wish I'd like hugged him longer or something. I know it sounds stupid

I was speaking to my friend via text tonight. The one I called immediately when it happened. I loved his kids. My kids love him. He seemed like he loved them. I'm disgusted. I'm sad and I'm so alone. It has been 15 days since Dday. And he's out happy and in love and all I want to do is be sick.

I actually had a good day today. And then this. I feel like I'm back to day 1. I think day 1-3 is the worst. To be honest, it was easier the first go around. This time I really let my guard down and for the first time in our entire relationship I really trusted him. In my mind I know somewhere he loved me as much as he is capable of. But at the same time I feel stupid.

Why do betrayed people feel shame. Why do we feel embarrassed and like WE should hang our heads. I think it's the rejection. I don't know. I am just ranting here because I am done for good and have been NC since!

5 comments posted: Friday, January 6th, 2023

I am in NC and cant stop thinking about this

We have multiple homes so I am staying in our condo. This is our second Dday. We separated in 2020 due to him cheating with same woman. We had been R but caught him "in the act" with OW. We were not living together but things were going great(so I thought). I trusted him! We spent EVERY night together.

Literally, I don’t know how this happened again. Either way, its over. I wont forgive him again. It’s clear he "chose" her over me which is gut wrenching but why did he reach out to me on Christmas? It was a bs attempt and I never answered. But cake eating right?

My mind is spinning and its been 2 weeks. Christmas was the last time he reached out. The text said all I can say is Im sorry.

Again, Im not nor will I respond. He clearly made a choice and he knew that meant he was gone. He didnt even try to ask for forgiveness. I just want to scream, cry, puke but theres nothing. He called after I caught him and he basically said this was about him not me, he would explain it someday but right now HE was still to hurt. I didnt say anything and just hung up. But Hurt by fucking what? Nothing even happened. He is a very easily offended person so who only knows.
I dont know. The constant feeling of pain is gone now its just like…..empty. I dont know. We have no kids together and nothing to fight over so D will be fast.

I just dont get it. Im crushed by the christmas texr "all i can say is im sorry" like what the actual fuck?!

Please tell me im not going crazy.

8 comments posted: Monday, January 2nd, 2023