Me: WH She: BS Married 44 years D-day 2/26/21

Struggling with what "The Work" and "Owning It" in a practical sense.

My D-Day (the day my shitty actions were discovered) was in February 2021. I am still trying to learn how the best ways to help my BW.

First off, I am trying to understand "the Work". There was a reply to lonelypilgrim by bulcy on February 28th of this year (2023) The comment was "There is an interesting thread on General that is discussing "the work" and how it is very much individual to the couple involved."

As a WS that wants to R, I am very interested in finding the post about "The Work" I have even sent messages to admins about how to search, but alas, there is no search engine, due to privacy concerns.

Number two, how do I "Own" my bad behaviors? What does it mean to own it? Okay, I have admitted to my BS that I have been involved in heinous affairs, lying, and deceptions, now what is owning it. I can clearly tell that this has caused extreme trauma, and I feel horrible for the pain I have caused. However, what does owning my terrible behaviors mean from a practical standpoint? What do I do now that I realize that the things I did were reprehensible? I simply do not understand what Owning it means and need to know on both counts, so I can help my always faithful BS.

Thank you in advance for any assistance or insights you can give me.

9 comments posted: Thursday, June 29th, 2023