Different twist - Exit Affair

My story may be somewhat different than your typical IJFO about the affair. My WW dropped a divorce bomb on me in December. I was shocked. Sure we had issues but I was clueless and devastated - nothing I thought was divorce worthy. Over the next few days I came to realize that she completely emotionally detached. She said that she wasn't happy anymore and that she's been thinking about this for a while. I did the typical begging and pleading for her not to do this and that we can change all the things that bother her. We have a very comfortable life thanks to my job so leaving that is no small thing. She would not want to hear it and was insistent that she wanted an amicable divorce.

I knew something didn't seem right so I started digging. Phone records gave the first clue. Quickly I found the AP name, address, saw she was buying and shipping him gifts, bought concert tickets, etc. I confronted her and recorded our conversation and she admitted but she was adamant that the affair was not why she was ending the marriage (typical of exit affairs). She was not very remorseful and over the next month told me she's sorry only twice. I've seen a lawyer, hired a PI and have a solid case of adultery which in my state makes a difference (at fault state - she gets no alimony which given vast differences in our income is considerable). I've also filed divorce papers because we had to get subpoenas for the hotels she used with her AP and other things to prove adultery if we need to.

She has seen her AP several times since and is in contact with him regularly. She has moved out but I was still trying to convince her to give us a try. We have teenage kids and a nice home. However, she wants space to figure things out and I am not allowed to require her to go NC with the AP according to her. She needs to do whatever she needs to do to decide whether to try again.

Seems to me this may be a lost cause and that I should just let the D play out. But emotionally I am very conflicted. Asking to go NC with AP is the least she can do I though if she cared at all.

44 comments posted: Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

How do finances work during separation

My WW has moved out of the main residence to an investment property we have and we have our initial separation hearing in about 2 weeks. Can someone walk me through what happens at the hearing? I know that temporary orders get put in place for custody, visitation, child support and the like. But what about other financial obligations? For example, our primary home where I am staying has a mortgage while our investment property where my WW is staying does not. I am currently also paying all the utilities and bills for both properties. I'd want at least to transfer the expenses related to the place my WW is staying to her. What about expenses related to the kids such as cell phones, subscriptions, etc. How does all that get handled?

3 comments posted: Sunday, January 29th, 2023