Still cycling through emotional flooding and anger weekly

Just for back story d day was March of 2022. Initially found out about one affair that was long distance that he slept with twice. They did text as friends but nothing romantic. Then about six months ago after asking for a lie detector test found out that he had three one night stands spread out over 10 years. 21 year marriage. Reconciliation has been rocky because of trickle truth. But I know I have the whole story and he is completely no contact and has not traveled since last year. He is in counseling and remorseful. Doing all of the right things, not defensive, such a good spouse right now. Actually so much better than I even thought was possible from him. Interesting how people can change and dig deep when they’re motivated.
I am still angry and crying almost daily. I’ll have stretches of two to three days of feeling ok but the pain still consumes me. I know I am depressed but I tried medication and it just blunts my feelings but doesn’t necessarily help.
I’m so angry that he’s ruined our marriage. I also have an autistic younger child and have a lot of stress with them although they are doing much better and they are very high functioning and extremely high iq. They are almost done with high school and I have some relief with that.
I am in therapy and a support group for betrayed wives.
At almost two years out is this normal? The frequency of my emotional distress is really not much better than the beginning. And I think I feel more disillusionment and depression than I did at first. I felt hopeful in the beginning that I could feel good again with him. He tries to compliment me and it hits me like a dagger. I know that I am not in love with him. I don’t think I love him at this point either more a companionship. Did anyone kind of turn the corner in year three? I know it’s slow but I thought I’d be better than I am. Thank you all.

17 comments posted: Tuesday, January 30th, 2024

Betrayal trauma support groups and anxiety

Hello all. Thank you for reading.
I am 18 months from d day but had trickle truth for four months and then my WH broke no contact a month after that with communication but no in person contact.
AP lives on the opposite coast. General cake eating affair. No plans to leave the marriage or deep feelings for the AP. I feel like I know the whole story. As much as any of us can. We’ve both been tested. Been through the initial shock and first crazy year.

Since he broke no contact about a 14 months ago he’s been a model wayward trying to save the marriage. I know he is truly remorseful.

I found a group through my church that is called beyond betrayal it is a specific curriculum for betrayed wives.
Firstly does anyone have experience doing this and what did you get out of it?

I went to one meeting and it was so good to be around other people that have and are experiencing this awful reality but it was extremely triggering. I slept terribly and cried and feel anxious today.
I would really like to have some close friends that can relate to this. I think I could develop that in this group. But I’m afraid it may be ripping the band aid off weekly. I feel like my emotions are on a tight rope and I can easily get blown off course.

I’m also in this wierd in between phase of still not sure that I want to reconcile. Even though my WH is doing everything possible.
My WH was gone last week on a fishing trip and I felt so much peace. We did talk and text a little but just not being around him helped. I missed having the company but I felt at peace. Of course we’re not separated and still trying to reconcile so I keep telling myself that of course you felt fine. You are not facing separation and the stress and pain of that.
I still at times feel anxiety with him. I still think about what he did and how traumatic it was. I am not anxious about him cheating again. I almost don’t care. It would hurt but would not be like that first time. He’s already cheated and blown up my world. Is it Normal to still have this level of anxiety and ambivalence at a year and half out? I am really trying to just focus on what I need and my own healing. I meditate do therapy, yoga, trying to improve friendships. I suppose it’s just time will tell if I can be happy with him again.
I’ve also recently asked him to sleep in a spare room because I get too emotional at night and feel anxious next to him. I’ve tried talking with him and working through this rationally. He’s very supportive but I don’t find any comfort in him anymore. So far it’s not helping so he’s just sleeping upstairs. I typically don’t have problems being intimate but I don’t have a problem cutting out the emotional component of that experience.
I know I am still so early in this process. It’s just every day feels so difficult and I dread that I may be like this for another year or two. Thank you for any thoughts.

5 comments posted: Tuesday, September 19th, 2023