Feeling so lonely processing this trauma

Hello all,
I am a 35 yo female, my husband and I have been together since 2017, married in 2019 and had a baby in 2021. I would say we both have had some fears of deeper intimacy, so we never have had that in our relationship, and so when things got stressful (pregnancy and baby) we became disconnected and had trouble getting back on track.

I just found out 11 days ago that my husband has been having an affair that's lasted a year. He also had a female training buddy who he seemed to have an emotional affair with. I feel shocked, broken, sorrow, rage, completely overwhelmed, and at times unable to function with my daily life! I have been in fight or flight mode since. At first, I was relieved to know the truth (we all know something is going on..) and was delighted to have him back, as he pretty much left me all alone last year to take care of our home and child- he was never present when he was around. And now I feel embarrassed that I was so quick to embrace him after the pain he has caused. I feel that I need to prioritize my own healing rather than focus with intense desperation on keeping my husband.

My husband has been remoseful, embarrassed, and ashamed of the choices he's made. He says he is committed to taking every step needed to rebuild our marraige together and help us both heal. He has since deleted all social media from his phone, and cut off contact with the women, and he's been open to discussing why he made those choices and the issues he needs to heal in himself.

The problem I'm having is that I just feel so lonely since I haven't found anyone to talk to about this except my occasional meeting with my therapist. I am very careful to keep this private as I believe now I want to work through these issues, and I can't think of anyone I know who's been through this. On one hand, I can't believe we are already here when we have a relatively new marraige, and the other part of me wonders if it can help us become stronger. I'm just confused and would love any support for those who have experienced similiar situations. Thank you so much.

12 comments posted: Monday, February 6th, 2023