Parsing through memories - how to overcome ?

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0 comment posted: Monday, February 20th, 2023

Am I just no different or better than him?

My husband cheated on me twice. Both of his affair partners were his exes from before our marriage. They were long distance relationships: he met them once a year for 6 years overall. He only stopped after I found out.
I was Pained hurt and depressed but stayed in this marriage and going through therapy and counseling.

#But after being hurt twice, I had to get my validation because this was really very hard on me - I made out /heavy petting( outercourse) with 5 different men, possibly for around 6years but meeting each only twice.
I felt alive and happy and validated . I didn’t want to go to any of them to the next level of intercourse and my affair partners were fine with that.

I am done now and don’t want to do anything anymore. Just want to be able to live my life. He and I have both promised to not have any more secrets or lies between us.
I guess I survived through infidelity but doing infidelity myself.

Are my affairs similar to husband’s? Are we any different from each other?

14 comments posted: Saturday, February 11th, 2023

Am I worse or is he worse?

I am both a WS and BS- a mad hatter I guess…

My husband cheated on me twice. Both of his affair partners were his exes from before our marriage. They were long distance relationships: he met them once a year for around 6yrs overall. First one was a friend of ours and I thought he was just being friends with her. Didn’t realize that they had a sexual past. The year I discovered they had something going on was when I saw her skimpy pics in a email. He also then had an emotional affair with another friend for 3 weeks and I tossed both out.

Second affair went on for 5 yrs. Another ex who lived near his parents and he met her every year under the pretext of seeing his parents. They spent time at a hotel, her home etc . He promised he never had sex with her but then admitted that they did oral sex. He also admitted that his first AP also gave him oral- I don’t know whether it was before or after our marriage. Also, I didn’t believe that it was all he did because he was not admitting to the truth completely at any time and only I found out all the details. I didn’t care to know.

He only stopped both after I discovered them. He gaslighted me both times until i found proof.

I was Pained hurt and depressed but stayed in this marriage and went through therapy and counseling.

#But after being hurt twice, I had to get my validation because this was really very hard on me - I made out /heavy petting with 5 different men, possibly for around 6years but meeting each only twice.

I felt alive and happy and validated . I didn’t want to go to any of them to the next level to intercourse with any of them.

I am done now and don’t want to do anything anymore. Just want to be able to live my life. He and I have both promised to not have any more secrets or lies between us.

I guess I survived through infidelity by doing infidelity myself.

Are my affairs similar or any different from my husband?

We are both sober for over 3 yrs now but i keep thinking about it.

I know it’s weird but I think I am better cos I didn’t have intercourse. Or he is better cos he had only 2 APs as immature as it is.

6 comments posted: Saturday, February 11th, 2023