Caught

This is the second time. We have had a huge confrontation because of S, before, when 6 months back she started sending him messages which made him "uncomfortable" and develop some feelings towards her and he promised to put a stop to it. But now months later, it has escalated to a point where they are constantly chatting on disappearing messages and he himself agrees that the messages are flirty from both sides.

Saw him smiling and texting at his phone, and when I suddenly looked at it, he closed Instagram and pretended to look at something else.

Took the phone and checked Instagram, S says "Just has Yumzz dinner" on disappearing messages.

S continued to send him messages like:

like talking to me?

Did you eat dinner? What did you have for dinner?

I think disappearing messages are not working.

And more that my mind is trying to block as I was so overwhelmed. he kept wanting to snatch the phone as if a lot more will be reviled.

I have learnt since that disappearing messages are turned on for one specific chat. So one of them have turned it on to hide their conversations.

Confirmed by A after all this:

1. S confessed her attraction to A on 20th Jan.

2. A agrees that he too is attracted to her.

3. They say they miss each other among other flirty messages. (Disappearing messages)

4. A took S to lunch right after our holiday (just the two of them).

5. They are both attracted to each other but cannot pursue it because of the marriage.

Given the months that have gone by, I suspect a lot more has happened but I possibly cannot coax or handle any more than this information as it's shocking and heartbreaking. I lied to him about whatever I could think of to get the complete truth and subsequently I got as much as I could've handled on the day.

Had I not found this today, I would probably be told months or years later that our marriage is over and he's in love with S.

A one-night stand or a meaningless fling is far better than this emotional and perhaps physical relationship.

3rd Feb

S reached out to me on IG and said there's nothing wrong from 'her' side and can speak to me on call.

Spoke to S, she confirmed:

1. A messaged her on the day and told her that he has feelings for her and she reciprocated by saying "don't know if you already know that I too have feelings for you" NOT the other way round. - all this time A just lied maybe to hide the fact that it was him that was falling for her and couldn't hold his feelings back anymore.

2. They chat constantly in and out of work and are in touch all the time.

3. Purpose of the lunch was not to put her down, it was truly just a date to spend time together.

4. They write I miss you to each other, and A initiates this as much as she does.

5. In the end I asked her, would you be married to someone who has feelings for somebody else and she said "no".

A keeps saying that it was just meaningless flirty banter, initiated by her and his feelings are limited to an attraction which is "not physical". But after speaking to S I believe otherwise as why would she lie and A is probably is lying like before to get out of the situation.

According to A the day he confessed his feelings:

S messaged A on Instagram

S: Having dinner alone?

A: Yes, going for Avatar

S: What did you mean the other day when you said "you don't wanna know"

A: I am attracted to you; I enjoy working with you. My work is the most important thing to me, I don't want this to fuck up our professional relationship.

S: I think you already know but I also have feelings for you.

A: I am married, I have never cheated in my any past relationships before, I don't plan to now.

S: Ya I respect your marriage, for me cheating is a no-no.

If he truly had meaningless feelings, he would not have confessed this to her, continued to stay in constant touch with her (in and out of office) through sneaky vanishing messages, taken her out for lunch alone, told her he misses her after the confessions. They were clearly pursuing this relationship till I caught it.

There must be a lot more that's hidden and I will never know.

In that case, I cannot be married to someone who has clearly developed feelings for somebody else and is with me just because:

1. Their relationship was still new and needed time to be able to break a 5-year marriage

2. Ending a marriage is difficult as families are involved and will have a huge impact to everything.

So, at this stage, he is just choosing to let that go, which makes this merely a compromise. And I feel it could just be a matter of time that they are strong and secure enough in their relationship to end the marriage.

[This message restored by Webmaster at 2:24 PM, Sunday, February 12th]

12 comments posted: Saturday, February 11th, 2023