Sex after an affair
Hi
I'm not sure what I am looking for... I guess to know I'm not alone. I always thought it would be me that wouldn't want to have sex after. But 18 months after Dday and for awhile i have been wanting to try but my WH isn't interested.
We have since Dday but the more work he does and the more he realises the impact of his affair the less he wants to be physical in that way.
I think he might be depressed (he says he isn't) but other than that i have no idea what is going on with him. Despite myself i feel ugly, unwanted and unloves regardless of what else he does when he isn't interested in sex.
Has anyone else experienced a wayward partner not veing interested? How did you overcome it?
8 comments posted: Monday, June 10th, 2024
Saying what you want
Throughout our relationship my WS and I have been bad at being explicit about our needs. Which has led to feelings of resentment.
I am trying to be more explicit in what I want but it equates to me feeling like I'm doing the pick me dance. Even expressing the smallest thing has me feeling like I'm making a fool of myself.
After everything I want him to read my mind and pursue me and make me feel special because I have been feeling so worthless.
I guess what I'm asking is what's the difference? How do I get comfortable asking for things like a hug?
4 comments posted: Saturday, February 10th, 2024
Personal growth while reconciling
I'm looking for some advice / thoughts on personal growth while reconciling. I've read so many times the BS need to focus on themselves and I have been doing that but I feel the work I need to do on myself could take years. When your focus starts to shift back to the relationship how do you make sure you continue with your personal growth. It feels like there aren't enough hours in the day for everything that needs to be done...
I worry that my personal growth would go better if we separated and i had one less thing to worry about.
10 comments posted: Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024
When your heart and brain can't agree
I asked my therapist at one point not too long after DD how you decide whether or not to stay and she asked me which was the softer landing. Staying has always seemed like the softer landing, it's comfortable and familiar when we can look past my WH's transgressions. But now 9 months from DD progress feels excruciatingly slow and a big part of me wonders if it would be easier to heal myself if i wasn't trying to heal a relationship as well, if i wasn't having to deal with his sadness and despair over what he's done.
So I guess my question when you knew what you wanted to do did you know with your whole being? Or at some point do you take a leap of faith one way or the other?
13 comments posted: Friday, September 15th, 2023
