Not sure what to do?

It's been two weeks since D-day and I'm still don't know whether to file for divorce or try to reconcile with my WW and I just need to get my story out.

Here's a little background, my WW and I have known each other since high school 20+ years ago, we have been together for the past 11 years and married for the past 5 1/2 years. We have two kids one ours and one hers from a previous relationship that I have adopted. My WW is an alcoholic, bipolar, and everyone of her relationships have ended because of her being cheated on. Because of this we both swore that if things got that bad we would break up before cheating.

Fast forward and our relationship has been very strained for the past few years. My WW has been to detox several times and she finally told me a few months ago that she is, always has been, and always will be an alcoholic. This is were I lost all hope in our relationship but before I could talk to her about divorce she decided to try rehab one more time and after she got done we were going to start MC. And it was great, I could tell this time was going to be different and so far it has been. We started talking again and my hopes for our relationship were higher than they had been in years.

When she got home from rehab she began to push me away. It felt like she was trying to build a life without me and I even confronted her about it. Of course she lied and got mad that I would even question her about it.

Then two weeks ago she told me that while she was in rehab she cheated on me. She said she started to hate me and blamed me for ignoring her. It only took her two weeks to go from loving me to building a life without me and cheating on me. She says it was only once and that it was a mistake, but that if our relationship was better than she never would have cheated. She says that she wants to reconcile and she has cut off all contact with her AP.

I'm having trouble with just how quickly she flipped and was willing to lie and cheat. It makes me wonder what type of person she really is. It makes me think that if the roles were reversed, not just with the cheating but with the drinking also, if she would have fought as hard as I did for our relationship.

We both have started IC and we have an appointment for MC. I just don't know if I can ever forgive her, or trust her, or if I can ever look at her again without the thought of her fucking some other guy popping into my head.

Any advice would be appreciated

8 comments posted: Friday, April 28th, 2023