How to let him know that I know he's cheating

I have long since suspected my husband of cheating on me with a co-worker who is also married. I have seen some very inappropriate texts, like kissing emojis back and forth between them, and a few others as well, but nothing concrete. I confronted him twice and he denied it both times. He said there was no way he would with her and both times blamed her for the texts that were sent. I don't check his phone often, because he hardly ever puts it down, except for occasionally when he is in the shower. He deletes many of their conversations. For a long time, I stopped looking because there wasn't anything accept work-related text messages. The last time I looked it at, there was no record of any text messages from her, so he had deleted the conversation again.

Fast forward to April 15th, 2023. My 17 year-old daughter comes to me late at night, after my husband went to bed. She said, "mom, I need to tell you something. I'm pretty sure dad is being unfaithful." She was in the car with my husband and he was texting a woman (while driving) off and on for an entire hour. She saw bits and pieces...heart emojis back and forth and a few other things that she knew wasn't right and the person wasn't me. She saw the name "Wilson" listed as the contact.

Of course, I check his phone and there is a contact named "Wilson" - no first name. On his fb friend list there is only one person and it's a woman. Looking at her profile, she works in the same surgery department where he does surgeries 1-2 days a week. Spokeo (website) confirmed that it was this woman who is his contact.

Our family uses the Life 360 app but my husband won't leave it turned on. He says he is paranoid about being followed because of all the apps that pop up with notifications based on your location . 🙄

We have 2 homes - one has been on the market for sale by pan for 18 months. He will go there occasionally to spend the night because we were robbed on several occasions. He tells me he only goes so that there is presence there occasionally. We have a security system which has helped me uncover his lies.

I have started tracking his activity at that house, his texts to me telling me what he is doing, and his phone calls on the AT&T app, and it's unbelievable. I think he gets together with her most days of the week and he calls her every day, at least once. Sometimes he calls her when I am home. Thanks to the Spokeo app...I know where she lives, and I do believe they go to her place a majority of the time, if not all the time.

Right now I am continuing to document all of these things and play it cool because my daughter will be graduating high school later this month, and I don't want to take away from this special time in her life.

I would like to hire a private investigator to get some photo proof. My question is, if they keep going to her place, do I just show up there one day when he's there? What would you do? If I don't actually catch him in a situation like that, he will lie. It has to be where his "hand is caught in the candy jar."

What is so disgusting about all of this is that we have been married for nearly 20 years. I am 45 and he is 46. This chick is 29. Just turned 30. So she was 10 when we got married. She has 2 kids from previous relationships that are younger than mine. Are they doing this with her kids in the house? It's a tiny house. He is also a Sunday School teacher and deacon at our church, where everything thinks he is a loving devoted husband. The whole thing makes me so sick. It's not easy pretending that I don't know.

Advice appreciated.

29 comments posted: Friday, May 5th, 2023