do any relationships actually survive this????

Hi all, like most of you here I never expected I would be here dealing with this, but here we are. I'm just looking for connection with others who are going through the same thing and maybe some advice. It's already been a little comforting reading other's stories.

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and together for 7. A few days ago we had an argument and everything blew up. He told me he wasn't happy and raised several issues with our marriage, many of which I think are valid. I spent a few days with my mom and came home, thinking we were ready to try and make it work. We had talked and both decided to try and work on it.

The very next morning the bomb dropped. I woke up to a text from my husband's best friend saying that his wife and my husband were having an "inappropriate" relationship. I immediately asked my husband what was going on and he initially lied. But he came clean and told me he has been having a long distance emotional affair with sexual conversations and photos with his best friend's wife.

I don't know how to feel. He says he has "feelings" for her but doesn't think he is in love with her. He says he never imagined leaving me to be with her, only having us both.

The odd thing is I don't feel angry. I feel like I understand why it happened. The issues in our marriage are real. But at the same time the thought of it makes me sick. I haven't been able to eat much and I feel nauseous. I randomly get thoughts of these conversations with this woman and my heart feels like it's going break all over again. It breaks my heart to think he chose another woman to share his wants, desires, and feelings with.

The worst part is not knowing and not trusting. He made it clear he can talk to this woman and I will never know. He deleted all of the things off his phone and part of it happened on his work phone. He says he wants to be with me and work things out. He called her in front of me to tell her it was done, that he loved me and wanted to work things out with me. He blocked her on everything. But how will I know if he doesn't hold true to that?? I never would. I heard her on the phone saying she loves him and wants a future with him.

We are both starting IC and also MC together. I just don't know if this is something that can be survived. I know the statistics say it's possible but right now I just can't imagine ever trusting this man again. I feel like she will always be there around the corner ready to snatch him from me when I make mistakes. I feel like he will always be thinking of her in the back of her mind. I feel like it's impossible for him to really chose me and our marriage.

6 comments posted: Wednesday, June 14th, 2023