Cheated around my due date. Is this ever forgivable
Posting to ask for advice on whether I should reconcile or not? Most of the advice on the rest of the internet seems to be to leave and never look back in any sort of cheating situation.
When I first got married I checked my husband's phone which I never normally do. I discovered he had a short fling with an older woman whilst we weren't married. In the messages I could see that he told the woman he regretted what he had done. I also found out I was pregnant on the same day of this discovery so took it as a sign that I had to try to work things out. I also figured that I'd get the same advice from my family since we had only just got married and because of the pregnancy.
Fast forward a year later, I found out about another fling 5 and a half weeks ago when my first born son was 3 days old. He was born with clear signs of an infection and my husband insisted he is taken to hospital and in hindsight, he looked very distressed and mentioned "I don't want him to pay for my stupidity". I was oblivious. The STI clinic at the hospital we were admitted to called me in and I was told I had to be tested for STIs. When my husband tested positive I questioned him but believed him when he said it wasn't caught recently.
The doctors realised I was being naive and told me that men who showed signs of the sti usually see symptoms within 2 weeks of contracting it i.e. "your husband has been unfaithful recently". Of course this was a complete shock as I couldn't believe he would do that especially whilst I was pregnant and when I confronted him he admitted it and seemed to be open and transparent and also seems to be since. He said he met a woman at a bar whilst I stayed with my mum for a week and they met up 3 times. I have no proof of what actually happened but based on the fact he does normally just go work and home or with me, I'm choosing to believe him (also for the sake of my kHe says it was ego driven and that I shouldn't blame myself or think it had anything to do with me but of course my self esteem is crushed as was my heart.
I didn't know what to do, being in a hospital with a sick baby so let him stay with me and he has since been waiting on me hand and foot. I went into survival mode...mostly focused on our baby as almost every mother does even when not in these circumstances.
I feel so confused. He is a good dad (has 2 children from a previous marriage) and we had what I thought was a good relationship where we get on very well and deal with any disagreements by communicating. I still find it hard not to wonder why he did this to me and blame myself.
I look at my baby who has barely begun his life and feel heartbroken about potentially breaking up his family. I feel heartbroken at the thought of co parenting and not being with my son for long periods of time. My parents are elderly and are deeply affected by my sister's divorce. They think my husband is the perfect son in law and I genuinely feel like this would break them more than it does to me.
He seems to be owning up to everything and has generally treated me well up until I found out and since I found out. He says he is deeply remorseful and that he knows he is not in a position to ask me to stay with him. What do I do? It seems like all I can see on the internet is "once a cheat, always a cheat" and "run and don't look back, you won't regret it".I have no one I can really talk to about this and if I didn't have a baby then I wouldn't take the risk with him but I do think things are more complicated with children involved. I feel like I am running on autopilot and have no idea what I'm supposed to do so the easiest thing to do is try to repress it most of the time even though it is there intruding all my thoughts whilst I pretend to get on with my day in front of everyone else.
15 comments posted: Tuesday, June 20th, 2023
