Wife left. Feeling numb

Found out a few days ago.

5 year marriage, even longer relationship. Wife has left to 'sort herself out' and we will speak in a few weeks, but truth is she has probably gone to test drive AP and see if AP will leave his spouse. I'm angry at what she put me through during the last year while the affair was ongoing. I knew something was wrong when our relationship turned from being a good one where we talked about having children to one where she suddenly started blaming me and our marriage for making her feel lost and unhappy. She started questioning whether we were really compatible. Whether she really wanted to get married in the first place. She stopped being interested in my life or our future. Affection (and sex) completely dwindled. She criticised everything I did. It was making me sick. At one point I remember thinking, 'if I died, I don't think she would care.' I tried everything to make her feel better but she pulled further away. It was so confusing because we had had a good relationship up to that point. We had passion and intensity in the beginning, but over years that had settled into (what I thought was) a content, stable love. We supported eachother.

She confessed, which is better than catching her in the act, I suppose. I did suspect something was going on with her and this man, but when I asked she denied it to my face. I believe she tried to end it with AP after that, but she realised she was in love with him after trying to spend time away from him, and couldn't keep on trying in the marriage. So she confessed, cried a bit, said I deserved better, she needed to sort herself out etc. and then she was gone. No contact since.

And now I'm here.

41 comments posted: Thursday, June 29th, 2023