"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

You don’t HaVe to post…

I’m not 100% sure what my title as Attache really allows me… At the time I was asked to join staff I voiced a concern over maybe not being as free to post my outspoken views and MH stuck the Attache moniker on me. I guess I’m sort of a SI James Bond – a secret and deniable agent in SI service with a license to kill…

Not that I’m going to kill anyone with this post. Maybe a bit more like twist a few arms and tweak a few ears… It’s definitely using the authority I think I have with my title, but at the same time this whole post is probably – like 007 actions – deniable to the Staff…

This is a site that is based on peer contributions…
The advice offered is only as good (or bad) as we are. Its often based on experience, and many of us have some expertise in some specific area, be that therapy, law, technology or whatever. I have received advice here on topics ranging from marriage-advice to car electronics…

However…
There is no obligation to post…
You are perfectly free to have a stance or view on any or all subjects and threads…
But ALWAYS post with the site guidelines in mind…

Upon entering this site you will find this text:

Surviving Infidelity is your safe place to come and share your pain and feeling of isolation upon discovery of betrayal. All who have been impacted by infidelity are welcome here, even the betraying partner, provided they are remorseful and committed to healing. Please use this site to network with others who are feeling a loss of hope and shattered dreams and trying to survive the most painful type of betrayal we all have unfortunately come to know.
We ask all members to please follow our code of showing respect, patience and compassion through this very difficult time you all are facing.

respect, patience and compassion…
Those are the key terms, and they are reflected in the relatively few guidelines contributors are asked to keep in mind.

There are plenty of threads – many of them pages long – that I don’t agree with, or think are going astray. If I think a contribution might change that I contribute, but once I realize my voice isn’t heard I chose to stay off that thread. I might still read it and feel frustrated about how the OP might be heading the wrong way IMHO, but I keep in mind that I don’t HAVE to post, least of all in anger or frustration.
There are also sometimes threads here – especially in JFO – that scream out fiction to me. But… Its not my place to call that out in that thread, as is outlined in the Guidelines. I keep in mind that I don’t HAVE to post, least of all in anger or frustration.

Then there are threads in specific forums. Like in Reconciliation the goal of the OP is to reconcile. Yes – sometimes a very clear and firm post might be required to let that person know they aren’t in reconciliation or off-course. But it’s not the correct forum to question reconciliation as a concept, as something that is attainable. I keep in mind that I don’t HAVE to post, least of all in anger or frustration.

Same applies to Divorce, although I see less of that there. If someone is divorcing, then it’s not our role to push them off that path. I keep in mind that I don’t HAVE to post, least of all in anger or frustration.

But… this applies EXTRA for the Wayward Forum…
The minefield of SI… Where too many betrayed posters tread into and feel a need to contribute from a stance of anger and indignance.
Keep in mind that just because a WS doesn’t have a stop-sign on a thread its not open-season with a no-limit kill on them. We always post with the basic guideline of respect, patience and compassion, keeping in mind that WS are welcomed here. If you think they aren’t already at the place where they are remorseful and committed to healing then let the mods know, or let the OP know using words and phrases that comply with respect, patience and compassion.

Maybe we all should take a short break to go to the Main Page and read what’s stated about each forum, and then keep that in mind when contributing. Different forum might require different hats…

A very good and simple rule:
Only post if you can help, and if you can’t then remember: You don’t HAVE to post.

20 comments posted: Sunday, February 18th, 2024

Would you want to go 13000 feet underwater or into space as a "holiday"?

I don’t get it…

I do an occasional "adventure" holiday where I might go to some extremely remote location, mainly to fish. Just a couple of weeks ago I spent a weekend in a cabin with an outhouse, no running water and no electricity. Took 8 hours of rough track to get there. But that’s it… Other than the extremely low risk of bears I wasn’t really placing myself in unusual or extreme danger.
My idea of a holiday usually involves sun-benches, beach-towels and my daily intake of fruits through varying Margaritas.

I don’t get these "adventure" holidays. The people that want to get blasted into space in some experimental made-by-lowest-contractor rocket or sink 13000 feet under the surface of the ocean to see some rusty remains in total dark. Spending 24 hours locked in a metal tube – being descending or ascending – holds no appeal to me.

31 comments posted: Saturday, June 24th, 2023

R.I.P Tina Turner

I’m into punk, rock, 80’s new-wave and a dash of prog-rock…
Yet Tina Turner was my Queen.
Maybe because she was a punk – in the way she rose up from the abuse and misuse she experienced from Ike and made her own musical experience.
Rest in peace Tina:

Through your blessing, grace, and guidance, through the power of the light that streams from you:
May all my negative karma, destructive emotions, obscurations, and blockages be purified and removed,
May I know myself forgiven for all the harm I may have thought and done,
May I accomplish this profound practice of phowa, and die a good and peaceful death,
And through the triumph of my death, may I be able to benefit all other beings, living or dead.

5 comments posted: Wednesday, May 24th, 2023