Horrible devastating update....I am devastated

I posted 4 days ago that my WH has been in an affair for months. I caught them. For some reason I actually thought he might be stopping this affair because he was worried about losing everything including his reputation. I was really hoping it was just sex, because I can get over that. Boy was I wrong.

3 days later he was at it again. He met with her this weekend, because he felt that I was 'off the case'. Turns out this is much more serious that I thought. She is in a rocky marriage and she and my WH are in love. He tells me he loves me every day. From what I heard, it sounds like they communicate every single day, and are maybe (?) biding their time with respective spouses, trying to see where the relationships go. They both sounded happier in their secret life than their real lives. What are they getting out of this besides sex? I can't tell if they are plotting for the future, or if they are just doing this for fun. I am devastated.

I am in full stealth mode gathering evidence and keeping my cool. How did this happen? How did I allow weakness into my relationship? I fear that he has fallen out of love with me and that their relationship has blossomed right under my nose. I am terrified, frozen and scared. I am NOT going to let him divorce me. But I am planning on speaking to lawyers this week. I am afraid that their relationship is real (even thought they live in a fantasy world) and that I am going to lose and be alone. Do I just turn a blind eye? I am beside myself with grief. I want to blow up his life with all of his friends and family, but I do not have an exit plan yet. I also want my marriage back, but I fear this woman has her hooks into him. I am beyond depressed.

162 comments posted: Thursday, July 27th, 2023

Devastated - found out a few ways

My heart sinks as I cannot believe I am even writing these words. I have been married 4 years. My husband seemed committed, always said I am the love of his life. We are pretty much attached at the hip and very social with other couples locally. He had cheated his first wife, but it was 15 years ago. I found some texts on his phone last year, nothing too alarming, just old girlfriends saying hi. He always deletes them. We live in a somewhat small community. But something about one of them did not feel right. I have the automobile's tracker ap on the car, as it is my car, which I own. So it pains me to say this, but I started looking. I noticed about 8 months ago he kept going to a secluded park for an hour or so about once a week. He drives many errands for work so I thought nothing of it. But he never mentioned it and I became too scared to ask because it did not sit right.

Fast forward, I see something on his phone recently where someone says she 'misses him'. Of course deleted. I was not sure who it was but I think I know from the context. My heart sank. Then 1 week later he calls me to tell me he is in one place running an errand, but the tracker ap tells me something very different. He accidentally then sent me a text that was intended for her, but it was not explicit so he managed to talk his way out of it. But it rattled him, I know this for a fact. He thought he was caught, but I kept the call short.

Due to a phone setting in my car, I overheard their conversation moments later. He had her on speaker. He was in fact definitely going to meet her somewhere but HE called it off immediately because he felt that they were going to make mistakes and said it was too hard to keep trying to do this because my radar is up. The other woman is married, I believe an ex lover who has come back for more. She pretended it was ok, but she was disappointed. She is nothing special at all, I am not actually threatened by her, otherwise he would have chosen her in the past. I am not sure what to do. Inside I feel like I am dying and I wish I did not know, but now that I know I am sitting on this info and it is eating me alive. He does not know that I know. I am not confronting yet - I want to gather facts and I have nowhere to go but this broken home. I just feel so sad and so alone.

People think we are the happy couple but from what I can tell, he has been meeting this woman 2-3 times a month for intimacy, during the day when she can escape her husband. It sounds tawdry, but this is what I have pieced together. I don't know if it is over, but based on the conversation, it was hard to tell. He kind of said to her in a 4 minute conversation, we can't do this, its too risky right now and I need to see where things go with her. (meaning me) He seemed to want to get off the phone with her, it was clear she was clinging a bit. I want to stay vigilant. Background - our sex life decreased last year, and it was me who was a bit frigid. It has gotten somewhat better recently. I am so depressed and angry - I never thought I would be into situation, Meanwhile, we are out socializing with friends and living our lives like nothing is going on. I almost wish I did not know. I have held it in for 3 weeks. I know I should divorce him, but I am not ready to divorce, I only just got married and it makes me so sad. Anyone been in this situation?

17 comments posted: Sunday, July 9th, 2023