I know me. I am strong. I know my roots. Plant them down and do not waver.

To stay or to go back home?

I guess I'll start from the beginning. I met my husband when I was 17, I was in Canada and he was currently deployed overseas. He was a online friend of my brother's for years. We fell in love very quickly, got engaged and did the entire green card process in 2 years where I got married to him in the states. The first year of marriage is always the roughest, people warned me. I was isolated from my family, fell deep into depression and we fought constantly. I always though, as long as we love each other, we'll make it through the storm. It was in Sept 2019 when I found out about the EA. It was brutal. I asked him if he loved me, he said he still did. I asked him if he still wanted this marriage, he said to wait until we see a expert. So I waited. 5 years later, he asked for a divorce on July 13, 2023. I knew he was off, he was still lying to me. I kept pushing to reconcile and he kept telling me he couldn't see a future with me. On the 20th he confessed to having 4 affairs and hiring 3 prostitutes from 2016 until 2021. He told me he’s never loved me, he still loves his ex and he manipulated me into this marriage for his own selfish reasons.

Something in me just broke that day, to be so cruel to another human being just didn't make sense to me. Still doesn't. To spend 8 years of marriage with someone just to use them. I don't think I could trust another human being again after hearing those words. It just hurts.

He did agree to pay for the apartment, all bills and my degree so he could fix his mistake. But my heart is telling me it's best to just cut him off now and save up enough to move back to Canada. Just to be free of the reminder that I spent 8 years building a marriage on lies. I'm just so lost, so broken. This is a wound that'll never fully heal. It'll always be there.

9 comments posted: Monday, July 24th, 2023